What the Smith Boys Said This Year

December 10, 2010 | 22 comments
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December 19th
Julie: “Nathan, eat breakfast so you can start on your school work.”
Nathan: “Can I please finish my book first?”
Julie: “How many pages do you have left?”
Nathan: “2,500.”

December 20th
Nathan: “Can we snuggle? Because some day when I’m 18, you’ll wake up and say, ‘I really should have snuggled with Nathan when I had the chance because now those days are gone forever.'”

December 22nd
Given his initial reaction to the idea, Julie is thrilled when Nathan seems less opposed to the idea of having company visit and stay in his bedroom overnight. He even makes a sign for the door that says “COME IN AND MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.” Julie gets a little teary-eyed at his kindness. Later on she notices that he is still working on the sign. He has added another sentence: “AS IT MIGHT BE THE LAST THING YOU EVER DO.”

December 25th
Nathan: “Well, I’m glad that’s over. Now I don’t have to be good again for hundreds of days.”

January 9th
Nathan is climbing on something he shouldn’t at the church pancake breakfast. An adult asks him to get down. Nathan asks, “By what authority are you asking me to get down?”

January 18th:
Truman: “Can I get a cinder?”
Julie: “A sister?”
Truman: “No, a cinder!”
Julie: “A what?”
Truman: “You know: a cinder! The electronic thing that you read on?”
Julie: “You mean a Kindle?”

February 1st
Truman: “Why is it not appropriate to stick your middle finger up?”

February 3rd
Truman, who has grown a few inches and is now chest-height to Julie: “Mom, what are those two lumps of fat?”

February 6th
Truman: “Why does our house never catch on fire?”

April 3rd
Truman: “My stomach is thirsting for muffins.”

April 7th
Truman, hesitantly: “Mom, is “whyIoughtta” a bad word?”

April 14th
Nathan, at a friend’s house, to the mom there, “We have decided that we want to watch The Princess Bride and if you don’t let us, we are going to go union.”

April 29th
Truman notices all of the food that one of our toddler foster children has thrown on the ground: “Mom, all of this food on the floor really disturbs me. Can you clean it up?”

May 1st
Derrick asked Truman to turn on the light. Truman walks over to the light switch and says in a robotic, feminized voice, “Please wait three days for service.”

June 10th
Julie: “Tru, don’t do that; you are going to hurt yourself.”
Truman: “No, I’m invincible.”

July 15th
Simon ponders whether, as a vegetarian, he should be eating angel hair pasta.

July 25th
Truman makes a passing reference to the chocolate chips in his cereal.
Julie: “What? What chocolate chips?”
Truman: “I put chocolate chips in my cereal. Like Daddy puts banana in his cereal. It’s the same thing!”

August 20th
Nathan, in best British accent and looking like an urchin, “Chocolate for the poor, gov’nur?”

August 27th
Nathan: “Why can’t they make a cologne that smells like gerbils? Eu de Gerbile? It would be a hit!”

Nathan: “Mom, be sure to put one of those toothpicks with the American flag on it in your sandwich so Canadians can’t steal your lunch.”

August 28th
Nathan, clutching at his face where Julie just kissed him: “It burns! It burns!”

August 29th
Sign found taped up in the bathroom: “Deu to the lack of tolet papr, please use both sides.”

September 21st
Nathan to Julie: “I need a $200 grant for my missile silo, and in return, when I rule the world, you can be the duchess of Yugoslavia.”

October 13th
Julie finds Nathan’s written plan to take over the world:

“USA: blackmail
Russia: bribe with piece of USA and then renege
England: cut off their tea and crumpets
Greece: threaten to blow up Parthenon
Germany: cut off the beer supplies
China: cut off all of their jobs
Japan: diplomacy
Korea: war
rest of the world has not been decided”

October 29th
Truman: “Mommy, you look just like a sumo wrestler with that thing in your hair [=bun] and being this wide [extends his arms to demonstrate large girth].”

October 31st
Simon: “Mom, it was very nice of you to make these cookies and everything, but I am wondering if there was some kind of ulterior motive, like ‘I am sick of your squabbling all day and so I put elephant tranquilizers in the cookies.'”

November 10th
Part of Simon’s outline: “The French Revolution was caused by revolting people.”

November 20th
20 minutes into today’s 900 mile drive, Truman says, “Doh! I forgot to wear shoes!”

December 10th
As we (finally) emerge from IKEA, Simon says sotte voce to Nathan: “She’s finally escaped the lotus flowers.”

Previous editions can be accessed through this link.

22 Responses to What the Smith Boys Said This Year

  1. Ardis E. Parshall on December 10, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    My sides are going to ache all night from the laughing. What a treat!

  2. JB on December 10, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    This is hysterical! Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. Alison Moore Smith on December 10, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Love. October 31 wins for me. Just divine.

    I started doing this a couple of years ago. Wish I’d done it for the past 23 years. One of my favorites from exactly a year ago yesterday:

    [Discussion with Caleb at the theater last night — having difficulty keeping his hands to himself.]

    Mom: Caleb, please don’t touch other people. Don’t touch their hats or their clothes or their chairs or their skin. Keep your hands in your own space.

    Caleb (6): What about their scabs?

  4. Alison Moore Smith on December 10, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    Oh, had to share another from a couple of years ago:

    [On the drive home from church, discussion about desired future pets ensued. One daughter, concerned about having too many offspring from fertile animals, had a suggestion for sterilization.]

    Monica (11): Next time we get cats, we need to make sure we get them spermed.

  5. Kevin Barney on December 10, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    Now we know for sure it’s holiday time. Thanks, Julie!

  6. Tatiana on December 10, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    This year’s batch is hilarious! Thanks for posting this every year. It’s a favorite with me.

  7. Matt W. on December 10, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    Julie, your boys rock.

  8. meems on December 11, 2010 at 6:48 am

    I wait for this every year! Thanks for doing this once again, Julie. You always inspire me!

  9. danithew on December 11, 2010 at 7:48 am

    Julie, that was an amazing read. It is every year.

  10. Andrea R. on December 11, 2010 at 8:18 am

    This is my favorite post on T&S all year!

  11. jose on December 11, 2010 at 8:35 am

    This is great–I enjoy reading each year.

    For context, can you provide the ages of your children?

  12. Julie M. Smith on December 11, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Jose, this year, Simon turned 12 in the spring, Nathan turned 9 in the summer, and Truman turned 6 in the fall.

  13. Proud Daughter of Eve on December 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

    When we wake up one day with a new overlord named Nathan, I will know where it all started. lol!

  14. Ben Park on December 11, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    I look forward to this every December. Thanks, Julie.

  15. Kristine on December 11, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Julie–I just hope the boys are keeping lists of what _you_ say to post when they get old enough to blog :)

  16. Latter-day Guy on December 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

    I’ve been checking here daily for the past week. It was (as ever) SOOOO worth the wait!

  17. Paul on December 13, 2010 at 11:48 am

    My Nathan also has plans to take over the world. Is there something about the name?

    Hilarious. I plan to give these to my kids so they will say wittier things…

  18. Chiekos Tacos on December 13, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Julie – Have your children been fed a steady diet of Calvin and Hobbes? I love this!

  19. Julie M. Smith on December 13, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    “Julie – Have your children been fed a steady diet of Calvin and Hobbes? I love this!”

    Why, however did you guess? ;)

  20. Lupita on December 13, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Glad I stopped in tonight. If I had to pick a favorite, I’ll go with the sumo reference (coming from a mother of boys who have a running commentary on the length of my leg hairs, etc.)

  21. JB on December 14, 2010 at 1:21 am

    I absolutely cracked up when Nathan offered to make you the duchess of Yugoslavia.

  22. Ziff on December 24, 2010 at 1:52 am

    I love these, Julie! Thanks for posting them. I’m going to have to agree with Alison that the October 31st ulterior motive comment is the best!