Happy Birthday Kaimipono!

Our omni-benevolent admin and blogger extraordinaire, the “seeker after righteousness,” turns 30 today. All the best, Kaimi. I hope you get some time today with Mardell, Sullivan, Kace and Indigo and not just Cravath, Swaine and Moore.

69 comments for “Happy Birthday Kaimipono!

  1. Hippo Birdy!

    I wish we could all gather together and sing a birthday dirge… but, since that is not the case, I will leave it at that.

  2. Thanks, guys. I guess I can blow out the figurative candles now.

    I should probably be being contemplative about the directions my life has taken, etc., but this birthday really snuck up on me. It’s hard to believe that I’m 30. Maybe I can be contemplative and introspective and all that over the next few days (or, more likely, I’ll be too busy).

    You’re about the same age as I am, right, Greg? Did I beat you to this milestone?

    (I think that I’m also around the same age as Matt, slightly ahead of Nate, and of course ahead of Kristine and Julie, who by stipulation will be in their “mid-to-late twenties” until they have children leaving for missions :) ).

  3. You’re right Kaimi; I hit 30 a month or so ago. I didn’t have any deep thoughts or contemplative meanderings to share then or now. Maybe when I hit 40…

  4. 30? What’s the big deal about thirty? For those of us pushing twice that 30 remains an age of youth. However, if I recall correctly (and I often do not), the Greeks believed that you were not of majority age until 30. Congrats Kaimi. Now you can cast your ostraka.

  5. Feliz cumpleanos…You’re the man. If you were in Austin, the T&S Austin contingent would take you out for birthday BBQ!

    Rainchecks accepted.

  6. Congratulations, Kaimi!!!! I passed thsi milestone a while back, and life just keeps getting better!!! Enjoy!!!!

  7. Good grief, you’re only turning 30 now? And a lawyer too. Weird.

    I never really wanted to be young. I can remember watching “Thirtysomething”–a maudlin, indulgent yuppie-oriented 1980s tv show, for those who’ve never heard of it–back in the day, and frankly I thought they were all immature whiners. And of course, the idiotic “Friends”-inspired twentysomething culture of the 1990s was even worse. Frankly, I’ve always figured my 40s and 50s would be my good years. I’m just a middle-aged man at heart. ‘Course, probably by then the guvmint will have given the vote to 12-year-olds, damn whippersnappers. Hey you kids, get offa my lawn!

  8. Hippo birdie two ewes, Kaimi!

    30 wasn’t a big crisis for me, because I seem to be doing everything backwards. 20 was a huge crisis–I had grown up thinking “by the time I’m twenty, I will have… (published my first book, played a Carnegie Hall recital, been appointed Ambassador to East Germany, etc.)” and I was convinced that I my life would never amount to anything since I hadn’t achieved those goals. (Did I mention that I had an ulcer at 12?) Sheesh. Now I’m almost 35, and I just hang out at the beach.

  9. I’m 29 and don’t plan on lying about my age, lest I end up like my mother (who everyone assumed, had her children as a young teenager . . .)

    Rob: County Line? Salt Lick? Not exactly BBQ, but I haven’t been to Threadgill’s in awhile?

  10. Kaimi, take Rob and Julie in Austin up on their offer. I’ve eaten BBQ in a lot of places, but Austin’s was best.

  11. I’ll be happy to take you up on that, the next time I’m down in the Austin area. :)

  12. “I’ve eaten BBQ in a lot of places, but Austin’s was best.”

    Jim, them’s fightin’ words!! Just say you’ve never been to Nashville, and nobody gets hurt.

  13. I’ve not had Austin BBQ, but I’ve eaten my fair share of Nashville BBQ. Harold’s BBQ here in Atlanta, down by the prison, beats anything I had in Tennessee–hands down.

    (ducks for cover . . . .)

  14. Oh, by the way, Happy B-day Kaimi! Hopefully by now, you are at home, opening presents, eating birthday cake, and ignoring the ongoings here at T&S and elsewhere.

  15. Randy et al.: Yes, but have you had the BBQ sandwich at the Burger King run by lepers just west of BYU campus?

  16. Kaimi: I wish you a “rib-wich” for your birthday. But you might have to follow the promotion to San Francisco to get one (see The Simpsons, spell-lympics episode).

  17. BBQ in Nashville is not BBQ in Austin. One involves pork, the other beef. So Kristine needn’t get excited. Just as Mormons aren’t really “Christians,” so Texas “BBQ” isn’t really southern BBQ. Or something like that.

  18. I’ve never eaten BBQ in Atlanta, nor Nashville, so I won’t wade into the specifics of that debate between Kristine and Randy. However, if Randy genuinely means to include all of Tennessee in his claim’s for Atlanta BBQ’s superiority, than I can’t help but think he’s misinformed. Memphis-style pork BBQ ribs (both the sauce and the dry rub), reserved up in such fine local establishments as Corky’s and Rendezvous (get there at lunchtime of Fridays for the free red bean sides), define this particular cuisine. (Though the vinegar-based sauce in North Carolina-style pulled-pork sandwiches is glorious, I’ll admit.) Anyway, there’s a reason why the annual World BBQ Championships are held in Memphis, after all.

    Pace Dr. Tarr’s comments, I’ll certainly allow that beef BBQ in Texas is a whole different ballgame. Though why you’d want to cook cow in a smoker is beyond me.

    Jim, the Society for Phenomenology and Existential Philosophy is holding its annual meeting in Memphis this October. Why don’t you visit? You can learn what Memphisians do to the other white meet.

  19. I’ve been found out, forced out. I must confess to a bit of hyperbole in my advice to Kaimi, but excusable hyperbole in the interest of bringing friends together.

    I still think I gave Kaimi good advice, and I’ve had good barbeque in Austin. But the truth is that I will choose pork over beef any time. I’ve eaten barbequed pork in Memphis several times and will do so again this October. Russell’s got a pretty good point, though in most cases I like my pork dry rather than wet. The sauce just gets in the way of the meat. The only exception I have made so far is for the sauce that Russell mentions: vinegar-based sauce in pulled-pork sandwiches.

  20. Jim, I should have known you knew whereof you spoke. (And so you’re definitely attending the SPEP conference this October? Or are you coming to Memphis some other business? Either way, let me know when and where you’ll be; Memphis is about 75 miles away, and we go down there once a month or so. Maybe we can lure Kristine westward from Nashville, and have the get-together which didn’t happen but should have in Utah last spring?)

    Melissa’s sister served in her mission in North Carolina, and when she visited us last we argued some over tomato vs. vinegar-based sauces. I have no definite preferences there myself. Generally speaking I’ll take my BBQ ribs either (as they say around here) “wet” or “dry,” assuming the quality is good. However Megan, our oldest, prefers the dry rub when we order ribs for her; she doesn’t like the mess. As for me, I don’t mind; that’s why God invented wet wipes.

  21. Russell, I’m planning on being at SPEP. I think the idea of a Mormon gathering at SPEP is great and even a bit subversive. Let’s see how many others we can get together there–especially Kristine (though I assume she’s usually in Boston rather than Nashville). If things go as they have in the past, not only will there be good barbeque, but Robert Bernasconi will have arranged for some good blues.

  22. “It’s possible to barbecue beef??”

    From what I can tell Kristine, there apparently is some sense in which it is considered possible. At least, that’s what the Tony Roma’s people claim. Now that I’ve been introduced to actual smoked barbeque, I recognize that what the Roma’s folks were passing off to uneducated Westerners like myself was a lame imitation of the real thing (and they used the wrong animal to boot). What can I say? There’s no accounting for taste. (But there ought to be!)

    Sorry about the Nashville/Boston confusion. I know where you live, really.

  23. Kristine wrote: “Jim, them’s fightin’ words!! Just say you’ve never been to Nashville, and nobody gets hurt.”

    Kristine, My wife and I had BBQ in Nashville with your brother a couple of weeks ago and he purported to take us to the best BBQ in that fair city. All I can say is that it didn’t measure up to Little Rock standards.

    Russell: I am shocked at your lack of loyalty to the Natural State and/or your ignorance of the BBQ-ing prowess of Arkansans. It is true that the BBQ World Championships are held in Memphis, but the five-time winner of those championships is none other than Little Rock, Arkansas’s Whole Hog Cafe, which happens to be where I am going to lunch today. Ribs. Mmmmm. Good….

    Of course you do live in a rather Yankee-fied corner of the state. Jonesboro could practically be in Missouri. ;->

  24. Nate, where did Rich take you? I’ll bet he’s been corrupted by that California wife of his–they probably go somewhere with *cloth napkins* now!

  25. I ended up having brisket at Stubb’s in Austin yesterday. Sorry you couldn’t make it Kaimi…hopefully next time!

    For the uninitiated, regional BBQ comparisons and recipes:
    http://allrecipes.com/advice/coll/all/articles/623P1.asp

    Maybe we could do a T&S Church History Tour (say from VT to MO), then dip down south (initially following the Lyman Wight Texas Mission route to Austin) and head east for a BBQ tour across the South? Some kind of Prophets and Pork Pilgrimage. Do we have any good BBQ statements from the Bretheren, Nate?

    Good food and fellowship!

    Of course, not sure how far such a trip might go to answering my deepest theological questions about exactly what type of BBQ the Lord will bring when he returns to sup with us in Missouri. And exactly what kind of sauce will those Levite priests use after they’ve offered up an offering again in the temple? I’ve been in Texas long enough to hope we get some brisket…but I’m open to appreciating a sacramental BBQ of all stripes.

  26. Kaimi, seein’ as it’s too hard to agree on the best barbecue for your birthday, I think you should ditch all those faux Southerners and come to Boston for some chowdah!

  27. I’m always willing to try a good bowl of soup. But can I trust your judgment, Kris? Have you been in the Northeast long enough to know where the good stuff is? (Is it possible to be an expert on both Barbeque and Chowdah?).

    (Also, where’s the best place to get some Yankee bean soup? There’s a little diner in Brooklyn that makes a very tasty bowl, but I have to assume that New England has the best examples of this particular soup).

    By the way, you need to drop by New Yawk some time — I’ve got the best pizza staked out, as well as some pretty good leads on bagels. And while I can’t claim expertise, I’ve found some tasty sources of smoked salmon, cheese, and Italian food. Alas, I don’t have the palate or genes to be able to say where the best matzah-ball soup is.

  28. Russell,

    Don’t confuse Tony Roma’s parboiled, liquid-smoked, oven-finished nonsense with true barbecue. Come to Texas and I will show you the telos of beef.

    Scott

  29. Kristine: “It’s possible to barbecue beef??”

    In spite of my preference for pork, I have to say that a good barbequed beef brisket is also very good.

    For those with an interest, though it isn’t Kansas City, Austin, Memphis, or South Carolina, my oldest son (in Provo) is pretty good with the smoker and is doing a whole hog this weekend. Unfortunately I will be out of town (we will be with friends I’ve been looking forward to seeing, but I’ll be sad to miss the pig). However, since he’s had to buy a rather large porker, he’ll be able to feed 60. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind another mouth or two to help him finish it off. (But out of deference to the rest of his family, you might want to call before showing up.)

  30. On my mission there was a certain sort of psychotic elder named Green who, one Halloween night, killed a possum with an arrow of light arrow (no joke, one of those slender yellow bluntnosed things), cooked it up as stir fry, and ate it doused in a generic brand of Virginian barbecue sauce. Also, as a very rational missionary I accidentally killed a raccoon, no joke, with bleach, but didn’t eat it.

  31. In the interest of culinary science, I’ve killed and eaten possum, armadillo, squirrel and other varmints–never raccoon, and never with either an arrow of light or bleach. I stick to firearms for such tasks. As a missionary, I’ve eaten dog and who-knows-what. My general theory is “if some population eats x, then it must be worth trying.” So far the theory has worked well.

  32. Thing was, I was trying to be charitable to the poor raccoon, as my landlord had asked me to set a trap for it. It had been getting into the garbage on a nightly basis and making quite a mess. As an ambassador for the Lord I thought it more holy to keep the animal at bay than to kill it; so I carefully poured bleach over the trashbags, trashcans, etc., thinking it would be put off by the scent. The next morning, when my companion and I returned from a jog, we saw a horrible sight: A raccoon with a yellow white muzzle lying dead on its side. I will spare you the graphic details, they were pretty awful.

  33. Kingsley,

    That racoon must have really been determined to eat the contents of that bag. I would have thought (as you must have) that the bleachy taste would deter the critter. What ever happened to an animal’s keen sense of taste?! That yellow white muzzle certainly proves you were the killer though. :)

    There sure have been a lot of stories about missions and critter-killin’ (or attempts at critter-killin’) lately.

  34. Kaimi,

    Where do you go for the best NY pizza? I used to swear up and down about how much better New York pizza was than Utah pizza. I was horrified that people over here were putting pineapple on a pizza — thought it was heresy or something.

    But now I’m a regular Utah pizza heretic myself, as likely to down the pineapple abomination as anyone else.

  35. Jim F.: Aw! The joys of Po Shin Tang (dog meat soup)! My wife and I recently put an offer on a house outside of Annandale, Virginia and one of the fringe benefits of home-ownership will be lots of conviently located Korean markets and resturaunts.

  36. Scott,

    “The telos of beef”? Sounds almost religious. And knowing how seriously Texans take everything, I’ve no doubt it probably is. Count me in. You’ve already directed me on one occasion to the finest tamales I’ve ever had in my life; no doubt you can do the same for beef brisket.

  37. Jim,

    One of the folks I home teach, a school teacher in a small district some 30 miles outside of Jonesboro, fed us frog legs last time we visited. He promised to feed us possum next time, which I promised I’d try. He also went on at some length about how squirrel brains are best prepared (serve them with eggs). That one I think I’ll pass on, if only because Melissa would probably never let me live it down.

  38. Nate,

    “I am shocked at your lack of loyalty to the Natural State and/or your ignorance of the BBQ-ing prowess of Arkansans. It is true that the BBQ World Championships are held in Memphis, but the five-time winner of those championships is none other than Little Rock, Arkansas’s Whole Hog Cafe.”

    Two points. 1) I was speaking of pork barbeque styles, not specific venues. Arkansas BBQ, to the extent such a cuisine exists, is Memphis-style BBQ. Maybe with some influence from Kansas City sweet-mustard sauces, or maybe with some Texas influences as well–but basically, if you eat at an Arkansas establishment, you’re probably eating BBQ that borrows heavily from the style pioneered in Memphis. (See here for a rundown of the basic, accepted styles: vinegar in the Carolinas, tomato-base in Memphis and Texas, tomato and mustard in Kansas City. 2) What are you talking about? Ok, sure, the Whole Hog Cafe has done very well for itself; according to it’s website, it’s won the Memphis in May World Championships a couple of times, most recently in 2002. But if you check out this list of the most recent winners, you’ll find the Whole Hog didn’t even place in any category…and regardless, native Tenessee contributors (quite of few from Memphis) for the most dominated the competition.

    “Of course you do live in a rather Yankee-fied corner of the state. Jonesboro could practically be in Missouri.”

    We may be closer to the Yankee hordes than you. But at least we live in the Delta, the true cultural and musical soul of the South, whereas you reside in Little Rock, a city long since overrun by carpet-baggers from the North and Midwest, utterly in hock to all that tourist and Wal-Mart money flowing from the northwest corner of the state. I’ll have you know we’s still all yellow-dog Democrats round here.

    I am jealous that you’ll be living in Annandale, though. We always drove out to the Korean markets there to stock up on kimchee.

  39. Don’t ask Kaimi about the best pizza — ask someone who actually lives in Manhattan!

    There are two answers to best pizza: the first is Grimaldi’s, in Brooklyn, and the second is Nick’s Pizza, in Forest Hills, Queens. Grimaldi’s is good for the tourists who like to like to walk over the brooklyn bridge, and for JWs who like to grab a quick bite before returning to their desks at the Watchtower. Nick’s is my personal fav if only because there is a decent italian ice place around the corner for dessert.

    As for bagels — there are many camps. Even H&H is still decent if you’re afraid to go to the LES.

    Of course, as Kaimi and Greg will testify, the BEST pizza & bagels were during our hilarious J Reub meetings at Columbia. Ahh… the halcyon days. Greg, remember eating bagels while listening to Thayne Peterson rant on about his discrimination?

  40. Don’t ask Kaimi about the best pizza — ask someone who actually lives in Manhattan!

    There are two answers to best pizza: the first is Grimaldi’s, in Brooklyn, and the second is Nick’s Pizza, in Forest Hills, Queens. Grimaldi’s is good for the tourists who like to like to walk over the brooklyn bridge, and for JWs who like to grab a quick bite before returning to their desks at the Watchtower. Nick’s is my personal fav if only because there is a decent italian ice place around the corner for dessert.

    As for bagels — there are many camps. Even H&H is still decent if you’re afraid to go to the LES.

    Of course, as Kaimi and Greg will testify, the BEST pizza & bagels were during our hilarious J Reub meetings at Columbia. Ahh… the halcyon days. Greg, remember eating bagels while listening to Thayne Peterson rant on about his discrimination?

  41. Russell Arben Fox — Do NOT, I repeat NOT try the squirrel brains. Some of the few cases of prion encephalopathies in the United States (think Mad Cow Disease, Creutzfeld-Jakob, scrapie, kuru) have been traced to this Dixie habit.

    If you do the cost-benefit analysis, even if the risk of contracting CJD is low, the upside of eating squirrel brains is negligible.

  42. Why in the world are these comments showing up when I didn’t bring lunch to work. Drooooooooooooooooooool ….

    Memphis BBQ, NY Pizza, NY bagles, squirrel brains with eggs … um… ok, that solved it. I won’t need to eat until I get home.

  43. Steve,

    Man I miss Brooklyn pizza, and Grimaldi’s in particular. You could want down Court Street in Carroll Gardens and hit a half dozen pizzerias that top anything I’ve had out here.

    The J. Reub conversation certainly did add something to those bagels feasts. I’m sure Thayne is still mad we didn’t don the sandwich boards and chant “Hey, Ho, anti-Mormon hiring partners have got to go” in front of Greene Hall.

  44. Yes, Danithew, it was rather puzzling, but animals are known to lap up bleach if it’s available (thus the “keep away from pets” warnings). I didn’t know it at the time.

  45. Hmmm… I wonder if bleach is sweet to the taste. I’ll have to look at the ingredients. I figured it would be just … blah.

  46. Pizza: It depends on a lot of things. For the authentic stuff, you go under the Brooklyn Bridge, as noted by Steve.

    For the Americanized stuff (not Domino’s, mind you, but “New York” rather than “Italy”), I tend to like Famiglia, and I’m less enamored of Ray’s.

  47. Kaimi, you’re talking about the slice vs. pie distinction, rather than the american vs. italian, aren’t you? For slices, Famiglia’s OK (some BAD experiences there though — never get the Sicilian), but while in Morningside Heights, maybe you never tried Sal & Carmine’s, a slice-only-no-delivery joint that has THE BEST slices ever (with the possible exception of Koronet, which wins only due to sheer size). Next time you have nothing to do, you should schlep uptown (they’re at 99th, I think, near Flor de Mayo) and grab one — WOW, good.

  48. I’m with Diogenes when it comes to eating brains, spinal column, etc. I used to eat the former occasionally (with eggs, in tacos, etc.), and I liked them. Were it not for the price, I would have tried the second when I saw it on a menu. But after thinking about the prion diseases available from such delicacies, I decided to give them up permanently. Diogenes is right, even figuring the small chances of getting a disease, the upside doesn’t offest the downside.

  49. “Don’t ask Kaimi about the best pizza — ask someone who actually lives in Manhattan!

    There are two answers to best pizza: the first is Grimaldi’s, in Brooklyn, and the second is Nick’s Pizza, in Forest Hills, Queens.”

    Does anyone else find it ironic that someone in Manhattan disses the pizza options of someone in the Bronx by naming two pizza joints on Long Island?

  50. Since when is the Bronx on Long Island? And since when are Queens and Brooklyn, two of the boroughs, really ‘Long Island’?

    Nate, I’m sure you noticed that I wasn’t dissing Kaimi’s pizza options (since he hadn’t, at that time, supplied any). I was dissing Kaimi, which is something completely different. He knows that he’s a quitter for leaving the True New York.

    As for irony, how is it ironic that someone who lives in Manhattan believes that they are the smartest person in the universe? Isn’t that the natural way of things?

  51. I’m glad to see there are at least some in this forum who have seen the light. The only true and living barbecue on the face of the earth is Carolina-style!

    We once had 35 Japanese businessmen come to our facility as part of a U.S. tour they were doing (they were ultimately clients of ours). As the only Japanese speaker in the building, I got to play host for the day.

    We had party tents setup in the parking lot thinking our visitors would enjoy lunch outside in the Carolina autumn. We had ordered enough Carolina pulled-pork barbecue for everyone in the building to join in (about 200 total). At noon, I announced to the group that we were going to eat “pork Carolina-style.”

    We stepped outside to find that indeed that catering was set up and ready to go. What I didn’t know until I got out there was that the caterer had his own traveling rotisseree barbecue spit built into a trailer he towed behind his truck. He had a full pig on the spit turning while he had driven to our offices. Just as I get all these Japanese businessmen to the table in front of the trailer, he open the spit to show a full roast pig inside.

    I’ve never seen that many flashbulbs go off at one time. Ditto when the caterer reached out, carved out a chunk of still-roasting pig a-la Ammon, chopped in up in front of them, and slathered on the good vinegar-based sauce. No one was fazed, everyone chowed down.

    Those clients still talk about that day every time they call.

  52. Bleach, at least when diluted, does have a slightly sweet taste, which you may have noticed if you have ever used it to purify water when camping.

    This is related to the “slippery” feel of bleach — the free radicals in the solution are recombining with fatty acids from your keratinized layer to produce soap. It’s not actually the bleach, it’s you dissolving that feels slippery.

    The vistas of wonder opened to view by higher education . . .

  53. Steve: I wasn’t implying that the Bronx is on Long Island, only that Queens and Brooklyn are not on Manhattan. As far as I have been able to determine, everyone on Manhattan thinks that they are the single smartest and most sophisticated person on earth. (I suspect that it is something in the water.) The vast majority of them at least must be wrong.

  54. Steve: I wasn’t implying that the Bronx is on Long Island, only that Queens and Brooklyn are not on Manhattan. As far as I have been able to determine, everyone on Manhattan thinks that they are the single smartest and most sophisticated person on earth. (I suspect that it is something in the water.) The vast majority of them at least must be wrong.

  55. Well, at least we’re all square on pizza issues.

    As for the self-delusion of Manhattanites, that’s probably the biggest reason to remain in NYC. I couldn’t stand to return to a sense of normality. Blogging with you peasants is exposure enough for me.

  56. Since I sit around corner from you, I could sing on behalf of us all. Unfortunately, however, even my nursery kids grimace when I sing. I’ll just have to settle for adding my “Happy birthday!” to the rest.

  57. Since I sit around the corner from you, I could sing for all of us. Unfortunately, however, my voice makes even my nursery kids groan. I’ll just have to settle for adding my “Happy Birthday!” here with all the rest. Have a great day!

  58. Steve, Nate, Kaimi …

    Even us former New Yorkers who lived outside the city (in my case, White Plains) think we are super-sophisticated compared to everyone else. I know I’m delusional but I’m happy to stay that way. By the way, I think LonGIsland should be written with a big hard “G” and all as one word — because that’s the way it’s properly pronounced.

  59. Thanks, Janelle. It’s very nice to have another church member (and blog reader!) right around the corner.

Comments are closed.