About a year ago my oldest sons were invited by some of their classmates to play volleyball at one of the local Korean Christian churches. We got there…and there was no volleyball, just an eager-looking freshman sitting in front with a Bible. Of course, coming from a proselytizing faith ourselves, we knew exactly what was going on.
They had several hours of the kind of hip, peppy sermonizing and singing that our Protestant counterparts have spent decades honing, and when I came to pick them up they were eating a potluck-style lunch. I got to meet the impeccably polite and nice youth pastor and they had a great time, but were only then going to go to play volleyball. (I was actually impressed; when we had fake activities for investigators we’d only feel comfortable sneaking in a ten minute lesson in at the most–it never occurred to me to invite them over for basketball and then spring a General Conference session on them). At that point the day was late and we had things to go, so we declined. On the way back they mentioned how much funner their services were than ours, and all the little ways that they acted interested in Mormonism to try to bring up theological points for discussion.
I’ve been proselytized to a number of different times (not counting Bible bashing with Witnesses on my mission–or rather watching my companion spout off memorized talking points from the JW equivalent of ex-Mormon Reddit, not sure if that counts). I’ve been the odd Latter-day Saint in a number of non-Latter-day Saint faith-based organizations, so since we have a professional relationship it’s been fairly benign stuff, like going out of their way to invite me to come to Bible study or do prayers with them or steering a conversation towards some point of LDS theology that they think is going to juxtapose favorably with their own (It is fun to see them try the theological discussion approach, because nobody is quite sure what we believe outside of Hulu, so they’re not quite sure what angle to take). My neighbor invited me to meet her parish priest if I ever needed somebody to talk to, and then of course we do occasionally get the Witnesses in our neighborhood. (And, funnily enough, living down the street from the Spanish ward bishop we’ve actually gotten door knocked a number of times by the Spanish missionaries. I always want to mess with them and ask them how many wives their dad has before the big reveal that we’re members, but I never have the guts to).
As a proselytizing faith there is an obvious question of how we should handle the situation when we ourselves are proselytized. The most commonsensical point here is that we should treat other proselytizers as we would want people to treat our missionaries. That’s obvious, but what exactly that looks like can require some thought. Do we study with the Witnesses? Or do we find a way to be that “golden contact” on our mission, that person who was super chill and cool, but wasn’t interested and didn’t lead us on. Basically, how far do we go down the investigation process?
I try to be that not-interested golden contact. It’s not that I’m opposed to studying with the Witnesses or Adventists in principle, but at this point in my life I don’t really have the bandwidth, and besides it would be more out of intellectual curiosity than any kind of spiritual seeking on my part. If we’re following the “treat them how we would like them to treat our missionaries” rule that includes not leading them on and thinking that there’s some interest when there’s really nothing there, since a lot of us had those eternal intellectual investigators that we had to have a “define the relationship” talk with.
That being said, I’ve never experienced any kind of a commitment pattern approach where they ask me to go a certain number of times to their faith or whatever, it’s usually some kind of low-commitment invitation, so I don’t see a reason to say no. Sure I’ll discuss theology with you, I’ll go to a neighborly Bible study, I’ll take a few minutes to chat with you on my doorstep, all the while sincerely engaging with them as fellow followers of God without trying to segue into anything unnecessarily confrontational. The sin of modernity is cynicism and unbelief, so anybody willing to sacrifice to spread their religious message (as long as it isn’t sacrificing babies or Charles Manson or whatever) should be celebrated and affirmed. But again, until I have more disposable time that’ll be about the limit of engagement that I can afford, which I think entirely fits within the golden rule standard of how to respond when we ourselves are proselytized.
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7 responses to “When We Are Proselytized by Others”
I’ve been surprised that I don’t get proselytized by others much (I live outside the Mormon Corridor). The occasional visits at the door by JW, but they’re always very respectful and polite and I’m always left with a good impression after these encounters. However, I am stopped by our own missionaries…constantly. And I find them incredibly annoying and insensitive. It’s always an intrusive invitation to attend Church. Not a “hello”, not an effort to engage, just “Do you want to come to Church on Sunday”, over and over (this seems to be a thing now in many missions). They’ll stand in front of subway doors and accost people when they’re trying to exit. I’ve seen them standing at the bottom of escalators, really interfering with those trying to get off. They impeded me once while I was out for a run, stepping into my path and forcing me to stop. Whatever, they’re annoying and clueless 18 year-olds following the instructions of some misguided Mission President. But it is causing problems in my community as those who know I am a member are expressing their frustration about it. So, the missionaries are making us look bad! Anyway, I guess my point is that my experiences being proselytized by Witnesses in my community are leaving me with more positive feelings than experiences being proselytized by our own representatives.
I used to live across the street from a Kingdom Hall. I couple times of year the JWs would stop by, usually to invite us to an Easter thing. (Essentially the only holiday they celebrate.) They were, without exception, polite, friendly and pleasant.
My goal in interacting with others who are proselytizing is to be the kind of contact that I generally wanted to meet when I was a missionary: kind on a personal level, but also honest. I served in a mission where it was pretty easy to ask nicely and get people to let us into their homes and listen to us. They’d give positive responses to all sorts of invitations to read the BoM, come to church and have additional visits. Very regularly, they didn’t want any of that, they just didn’t want to tell us no. Ironically, while I had friends on missions who were having 99% of doors shut in their face, I was teaching lots of discussions and wishing for more honesty from our “investigators”.
While I don’t mind theological discussions, I don’t have the time or interest in meeting regularly with people from other churches as they try to convert me. So I tell them that, even as I sincerely wish them well in their efforts. If their message can bring someone more joy and peace in their lives, then they are doing good.
Having served a mission myself, I treat them as I would have wanted to be treated, which is to be kind at the door, but politely tell them I’m not interested. I’m going to have to do that at some point anyway, so I might as well do it at the beginning and not waste anybody’s time.
The only people that have ever proselyted me have been the JWs. Except a random born-again Christian woman who accosted me while walking home from the store at age 10. I really don’t think it’s appropriate for any adult to do that to a child, no matter what good motive they might have.
Off-topic, but since it came up: In my area, I have been very impressed with how the young missionaries interact with individuals in parking lots. I have seen them in action several times. The missionaries are up front about who they are, they ask if the individual they are greeting has time to talk, they are brief, and their invitation is simple. The missionaries are unfailingly polite, and they don’t stay in any one parking lot for very long.
This may not be true in all areas, but it is true here. The missionaries here are doing good.
I’ll go a step further than Turtle. I have lived in several states outside the Mormon corridor and been not just surprised, but somewhat disappointed at the lack of proselytizing by my friends and neighbors of other faiths. I may not have a sincere interest in changing religions, but I am genuinely curious about other traditions and would welcome greater engagement with my community, with more opportunities for friendship and service. When I lived in Virginia, a contractor we hired for some home renovations mentioned that he was the music minister for a non-denominational Christian church down the street. I don’t recall whether he extended an invitation or if I asked to know more, but my family and I attended their Christmas Eve candlelight service, and it became a family tradition that I looked forward to every year. I would have gladly accepted more invitations to fellowship with that group, which included several other families in our neighborhood. I have also accepted and enjoyed Passover meals and bat mitzvah services with Jewish friends, Diwali celebrations with Hindu neighbors, and conversations with a Community of Christ coworker. My daughter regularly attends Jesus Club at her high school. I think our church is often too insular and would greatly benefit from frequent organized activities or service projects with other faith groups — especially our youth groups. Interfaith outreach should not be a vehicle for proselytizing, but a means to build trust and mutual respect with others in our communities. And who knows? Maybe if we show more interest in others, they will show more interest in us and want to know more.
As a typical member of the Church in Latin America, I interact daily with people of other religions. I have interacted with Jehovah’s Witnesses and, remembering my time as a missionary, I have been as cordial and attentive as possible to their message, although I make it clear to them that I actively participate in a religious congregation with my family. My children study at an evangelical school, and my daughter even participated in the Methodist choir in middle school and knew all their songs. She also sang PFJ songs to them during their religious activities. I work at a Catholic university and have very interesting conversations about religion. Obviously, I cannot proselytize there. In that same spirit, there are many things that other religions do much better than we do, in worship, Sunday school, the way they treat visitors… I think that if we interacted more with other religions, we would improve many things about how we do things. It is interesting to have theological conversations with people of other religions, not to convert to another faith, but to learn and share experiences. When there is time, of course.
Well written, thanks for sharing.
I also think that relationships are predicated on having a common goal. If their goal is to convert me and I have zero goal to be converted, that’s not going to be a relationship. But if we work together or have a common hobby or interest, and the person happens to be of a different faith and the topic comes up, then it’s totally normal to chat about faith in a respectful way. But if they want to really get into a deep doctrinal conversation, usually I’d prefer to just politely tell them that I don’t really do deep doctrinal conversations, but they are welcome to look up lots of stuff on the gospel library app if their authentic desire is to learn more.