About a year ago my oldest sons were invited by some of their classmates to play volleyball at one of the local Korean Christian churches. We got there…and there was no volleyball, just an eager-looking freshman sitting in front with a Bible. Of course, coming from a proselytizing faith ourselves, we knew exactly what was going on. 

They had several hours of the kind of hip, peppy sermonizing and singing that our Protestant counterparts have spent decades honing, and when I came to pick them up they were eating a potluck-style lunch. I got to meet the impeccably polite and nice youth pastor and they had a great time, but were only then going to go to play volleyball. (I was actually impressed; when we had fake activities for investigators we’d only feel comfortable sneaking in a ten minute lesson in at the most–it never occurred to me to invite them over for basketball and then spring a General Conference session on them). At that point the day was late and we had things to go, so we declined. On the way back they mentioned how much funner their services were than ours, and all the little ways that they acted interested in Mormonism to try to bring up theological points for discussion. 

I’ve been proselytized to a number of different times (not counting Bible bashing with Witnesses on my mission–or rather watching my companion spout off memorized talking points from the JW equivalent of ex-Mormon Reddit, not sure if that counts). I’ve been the odd Latter-day Saint in a number of non-Latter-day Saint faith-based organizations, so since we have a professional relationship it’s been fairly benign stuff, like going out of their way to invite me to come to Bible study or do prayers with them or steering a conversation towards some point of LDS theology that they think is going to juxtapose favorably with their own (It is fun to see them try the theological discussion approach, because nobody is quite sure what we believe outside of Hulu, so they’re not quite sure what angle to take). My neighbor invited me to meet her parish priest if I ever needed somebody to talk to, and then of course we do occasionally get the Witnesses in our neighborhood. (And, funnily enough, living down the street from the Spanish ward bishop we’ve actually gotten door knocked a number of times by the Spanish missionaries. I always want to mess with them and ask them how many wives their dad has before the big reveal that we’re members, but I never have the guts to).  

As a proselytizing faith there is an obvious question of how we should handle the situation when we ourselves are proselytized. The most commonsensical point here is that we should treat other proselytizers as we would want people to treat our missionaries. That’s obvious, but what exactly that looks like can require some thought. Do we study with the Witnesses? Or do we find a way to be that “golden contact” on our mission, that person who was super chill and cool, but wasn’t interested and didn’t lead us on. Basically, how far do we go down the investigation process? 

I try to be that not-interested golden contact. It’s not that I’m opposed to studying with the Witnesses or Adventists in principle, but at this point in my life I don’t really have the bandwidth, and besides it would be more out of intellectual curiosity than any kind of spiritual seeking on my part. If we’re following the “treat them how we would like them to treat our missionaries” rule that includes not leading them on and thinking that there’s some interest when there’s really nothing there, since a lot of us had those eternal intellectual investigators that we had to have a “define the relationship” talk with. 

That being said, I’ve never experienced any kind of a commitment pattern approach where they ask me to go a certain number of times to their faith or whatever, it’s usually some kind of low-commitment invitation, so I don’t see a reason to say no. Sure I’ll discuss theology with you, I’ll go to a neighborly Bible study, I’ll take a few minutes to chat with you on my doorstep, all the while sincerely engaging with them as fellow followers of God without trying to segue into anything unnecessarily confrontational. The sin of modernity is cynicism and unbelief, so anybody willing to sacrifice to spread their religious message (as long as it isn’t sacrificing babies or Charles Manson or whatever) should be celebrated and affirmed. But again, until I have more disposable time that’ll be about the limit of engagement that I can afford, which I think entirely fits within the golden rule standard of how to respond when we ourselves are proselytized.