Pornography, Rape, Child Abuse, and the Future of Sexuality

Stephen C

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Bound feet. This will become relevant later. Obviously all sorts of content warnings here, as the kids say. 

In the Friends episode “The One With Free Porn” Joey and Chandler accidentally start receiving free porn through their cable service, and don’t turn off the TV for fear that they’ll lose it. The running joke throughout the episode is that their sense of reality and expectations about sexuality in daily life are warped, being surprised and dismayed that the pizza girl just drops off the pizza and the bank tellers just deposit their money. 

Not to suddenly go dark, but on a related note over at sex researcher Twitter there was a recent fight in the past two weeks over a radical suggestion that, with the advent of completely photorealistic computer generated imagery, computer-generated child pornography should be made legal to protect children under the idea that it would allow pedophiles to vector their desires into pixels instead of real children. 

The argument was made by Aella, a prominent sex worker who is actually very handy with R and has become quite the numbers and sex research autodidact. (Apropos of nothing, her estranged father is also a prominent conservative anti-Mormon evangelical; fate has a weird way of smiting the antis :) Of course, whether her point is valid hinges on whether pornography causes people to act on what they see or acts as a substitute for the real thing as a vector.

However, as you might expect, the research on this is somewhat contested, and it is difficult to causally disentangle whether people get into something because porn or whether the porn simply responds to an appetite that was already there. 

For example, I was only superficially familiar with the porn-causes-rape literature and there is some evidence that violent pornography is associated with sexual aggression among those who are already offenders, so there is a preventative legal logic to regulating violent pornography at least even if causality is a little murky, but here I’m kind of more interested in what things we should frown on as a society even if we don’t make it illegal. To be completely honest, I’ve always been a little skeptical about the pornography-rape connection, and even wondered at times if it went in the opposite direction. Ecological fallacies aside, we’ve seen an explosion of pornography use at the same time as a concomitant decline in rape frequency. 

I hadn’t really thought this argument out to any great depth. However, in the Aella fracas, Lyman Stone, an excellent researcher who I will always listen to even if I do not always agree with him, made an argument that flipped me on this, arguing that the rape decline disappears once the size of the cohort of young men and other crime is taken into account. So while porn obviously doesn’t turn most young men into rapists, on the other hand there isn’t a lot of evidence that it reduces rape proclivity as some kind of an outlet for urges that would otherwise be manifested in sexual violence.   

But beyond the question of rape, it is clear that you can have sexual fashions and norms that are shaped by pornography (for example, my own research showed that anxiety over manhood size is much worse for men who view pornography), and that this is a bad thing given where porn is going. For example, pornography apologist and unabashed libertine Bill Maher bemoaned that pornography is getting “rapey.” At the same time, about quarter of undergraduate women report having been choked during their last heterosexual sexual encounter. In their excellent book-length work A Billion Wicked Thoughts Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam rank order which pornographic search terms are used most, and let’s just say that it gets…interesting really fast. We’ll keep this PG-13 rated, but “hot women in bikinis” or whatever else a curious, sweaty-palmed deacon from 2000s Utah might Google is quaint. On the other hand, the earliest, silent pornographic films also had similar themes as those we see in pornography today, so there’s an argument to be made that the desires are always there under the surface, and not that pornography interacts with preferences and creatively builds on itself over time. 

However, on a third hand, it is clear that fashion and culture drives desire. In my intro class I occasionally teach I show the example of Chinese foot binding to show how culturally-driven aesthetic preferences are. For example, early Chinese erotic poetry would talk about the smell of broken feet as some sort of a turn-on, so it’s clear that while maybe not all sexual interests are learned, and the idea that sexuality preferences are completely hardwired from birth is also an oversimplification. Therefore, as a father of sons I am right to be worried about what pornography exposure might do to their sexual interests (speaking at the sub-orientation level, not saying it’s going to turn them gay). 

I want them to work hard at school and develop themselves so that they can appeal to the wholesomely attractive girl. That’s becoming much harder since at any time after a rejection they can go into a computer room and turn on the all-you-can-drink tap of the diet soda version of sexuality (whether through traditional porn or digital AI “companions”) without the real complexities that accompany human relations, and I would be terrified if I had daughters that were navigating a dating and marriage world where sexual expectations had been shaped by pornography that, again, makes James Bond seem adorably tame by comparison. 

Not to situate everything in the liberal/traditional debates, but it’s worth noting that the conservatives at least have an internally coherent schema for dealing with all of this, while the relationship of the progressives to pornography has always been as clear as mud, with rival pro-porn and anti-porn factions that I suspect correspond strongly with gender. Iceland came close to regulating pornography while under a lesbian Prime Minister, but I frankly just don’t see the same perspective coming from non-asexual men on the left, or at least men with average sociosexuality levels. While the secular left may adopt a sort of “let’s just not talk about it” attitude since they themselves are divided and it runs alongside concerns that their cultural enemies on the right have, the fact is that in 2025 some guy in his mother’s basement with no options with real women in a sense has more sexual options than ancient emperors and, frankly, secular liberals don’t have a good response to this when old timey religion sort of does, with no compelling reason from left-liberal principles while a woman’s ick factor for pornography should set norms for men who are naturally inclined to indulge. (Sidestepping the issue of legalization, and yes women watch pornography too but not nearly on the same scale or the same type–by and large this is a War of the Sexes issue.) The traditionalists have a framework for calling out the proverbial Guy in his Basement while the secular liberals really don’t. 

And as the options and sexual marketplace become more and more driven by pornography that itself is becoming less and less like your grandfather’s porn, this gendered tension is going to come to a head. In the past sex was connected to struggle for improving one’s self and station in life, but with digital and other such options through AI and VR quickly developing we’re quickly seeing what life is like when everybody is given a shortcut to an all-you-can-have access simulacras that never age, have their own emotional needs, tire, or, and this is the crux, never feel uncomfortable with anything asked of them. So if I were to make a hypothesis, while pornography and its increasingly customizability, frequency, and realism will undoubtedly shape expectations and norms, including in some cases into unsavory directions, it will at the same time displace the old-timey, quaint sexual relations of yore between a man and woman who like each other.

Comments

12 responses to “Pornography, Rape, Child Abuse, and the Future of Sexuality”

  1. ji

    I appreciate your thoughts.

    You wrote, “The traditionalists have a framework for calling out the proverbial Guy in his Basement while the secular liberals really don’t.”

    I understand what you are saying. However, I don’t think the traditionalist-liberal labels work well for this topic. Somehow, and without any empiric evidence, I think there are a lot of traditionalists viewing porn, and their anti-porn remonstrances may be for culture war or other performative purposes.

  2. Stephen C.

    Oh I’m sure there are plenty of traditionalists viewing porn, but I’m mostly talking about the internal coherence and consistency of the schema itself even if many don’t live up to it. I should have also noted that there is a particular streak of traditionalism that I assume is pro-porn a la Andrew Tate and that whole movement, but still I think the right is less divided on this than the left.

  3. Jonathan Green

    Stephen, I have some bad news about the guy leading the American right these days and his attitude towards pornography. I don’t think there’s any way to wedge Andrew Tate into the traditionalist tent, and you certainly wouldn’t want to in any case: human trafficking is not a family value.

    I think there’s a reasonably strong secular case for traditionalism – society depends on having a large percentage of men and women getting married, having children, raising stable families, and doing something productive with their time. But it seems to me that traditionalism is increasingly badly served by the left vs right culture war (most things are), and by being stuck mostly on one side of it. Traditionalism is losing its ability to critique pornography (and other forms of debauchery like gambling) because it means breaking with important political allies.

    Your concluding hypothesis, that porn will displace traditional affection, would seem like something that should be resisted with utmost determination.

  4. Therapist to perps

    Having worked as a counselor to sexual offenders, (full disclosure, I didn’t really like it, so I didn’t do it for long)maybe hearing what they have to say might help clear up your confusion as to “does porn cause rape?” If you talk to rapists or in my case incest offenders, they will tell you that at first it may be an answer to their “proclivities” but after using it, it becomes addicting until the simulated sex with violence or sex with children is no longer enough to satisfy them. Then they use it to normalize it until they try out the real thing. It doesn’t “cause” it, but it sometimes leads to it. Other offenders say, no they never looked at porn. Sometimes they just build up to it with fantasy or the opportunity presents itself and without thinking about it, they just act. So, only in some cases is there even a connection. But often there is a real situation where porn leads up to rape or child sexual abuse. My personal experience is consistent with studies talking to convicted offenders in prison, so it is not just anecdotal.

    So, no porn does not cause rape or child sexual abuse. It is more complicated than that. The simple answer is “men cause rape.” Or “testosterone causes rape.” But you are not of a mind to kill off all men or get rid of testosterone so, we won’t go there. No, porn does not all by itself cause rape. It is much more complicated than that. Psychology has proven a connection between violence and sexual arousal because both stir up adrenaline. Violence enhances sexual arousal because it stirs up a bit more excitement.

    So, take your average married guy that sex all by itself has become a bit boring because it is always done at the same time, with the same person, in the same position, in the same flannel pajamas. He needs something to spice it up. He can either learn some new techniques or find a new partner or buy his wife a sexy nightly, or find an exciting porn video. This problem of vanilla sex gets boring is why men turn to porn. Then as normal porn gets boring, they start adding violent porn, step by step. It is the same for the incel guy in his basement watching porn. They need a bigger and bigger hit. It is addicting because the temptation to add a bit of “excitement” to it keeps them adding more and more violence.

    It works the other way also. Think of slasher movies. The naked girl in the shower adds a bit of sexual excitement which makes the violence that much more exciting. But it also teaches a connection between sex and violence. The two become tied in standard Pavlovian reinforcement.

    So, porn does not cause rape anymore than a bell makes your mouth water. There is a process that has to take place to teach a connection between violence and sex, and then to build up until the rapist is no longer satisfied with porn.

    The other complicating factor is that porn is not necessary to the process at all. A person can do it all in their fantasy without ever looking at someone else’s pictures. I don’t remember the percentage of convicted rapists who said they used porn before ever moving onto the real thing, but it is not insignificant. So, I don’t know how to give you the connection in a simple sentence of yes or no, does porn cause rape. It’s complicated, but there is a connection.

  5. Stephen C.

    @Jonathan:

    Of course all bets are off for the section of the right whose guiding philosophy is “whatever Donald Trump wakes up thinking,” and I wouldn’t want Andrew Tate on my team either, but I was acknowledging there is a faction of folks like him and, say, Bronze Age Pervert, who could be described as right wing/conservative/traditionalist in a sense but still very pro-porn, so I’m not using “traditionalist” as code for “whatever I like about the past.”

    Rather, I was thinking more in terms of mainstream, explicitly socially right-wing commentators like Ben Shapiro or Ross Douthat. Say whatever else you will about them, their negative position on pornography is straightforward while, for example, after listening to Michelle Goldberg on the topic during an hourlong podcast I still wasn’t sure where exactly she landed on it.

    @Therapist to perps:

    Thanks for your invaluable insight. It’s not surprising that it’s complicated. Neither necessary nor sufficient, but at the same time not irrelevant.

  6. Jack

    I must say that the proclamation on the family becomes ever more prophetic as time goes on. It has proven itself to be much more than just a reaction to gay marriage in Hawaii. It has spoken to the “hook up” culture, to the epidemic of fatherlessness, to gender confusion–and now it speaks to the subject of this thread.

    Stephen is definitely correct that traditionalists have some sort of structure–how ever rickety–to guide them through the malaise. But those few who embrace the words of living prophets are settled on a sure foundation.

  7. Tim

    “[E]xplicitly socially right-wing commentators…their negative position on pornography is straightforward…” Not straightforward enough to keep them from voting for and supporting someone who’s been on the cover of porn magazines and had cameos in porn films, and whose wife posed nude for porn magazines. Face it–a lot’s changed in the past ten years.

  8. RLD

    It’s certainly possible to make a secular liberal case against pornography, as long as you accept that it negatively affects both the person who consumes it and the people the consumer interacts with. That is, of course, something people argue about, and frankly the kind of question where researchers generally find whatever they were looking for to begin with. (For the record, what Therapist to perps describes sounds about right to me.) You won’t find many people on the left making the case against all pornography, but it’s pretty common for even “sex positive” people to argue that some or even most contemporary pornography is harmful (like the Bill Maher quote in the OP). There’s also widespread recognition on the left that porn is an exploitative industry.

    Politically, porn for the left is a bit like capital punishment for the right: there may be a substantial minority opposed to it (like conservative Catholics who take all their church’s teachings about life seriously, not just abortion) but they know they’re a minority and mostly keep quiet about it so as not to disrupt the coalition and get in the way of what they consider higher priorities. There’s also a renewed appreciation on the left for limited government and not trying to tell people what to do in their personal lives, which has its upsides and downsides. So no, I don’t expect any action from the left on the issue.

  9. jader3rd

    I don’t think that I agree with Stephen C. that liberals don’t have a framework to talk about porn. The framework supported by liberals is harm reduction. The left is all about harm reduction.
    From what I’ve seen, “traditionalists” say, “Porn is bad, and if we ever talk about it, that’s all we’ll say about it.” or “Porn kills love, end of discussion”.
    From the more liberal minded I have seen discussions around how this is something that needs to be studied. There are concepts around “ethical porn”. There are discussions around how it can exist as an industry with the least harm to women. The framework is harm reduction.

  10. Stephen C.

    RLD & Jader3rd: Yes, there’s definitely a discussion happening on the left about (un)ethical porn (e.g. see Nicholas Kristoff’s excellent reporting on how messed up the corporation PornHub is), but for the purposes of this post I’m talking about porn itself. So if we assume a sort of “fair trade” porn where the performers are compensated fairly, treated well as employees and everything was absolutely consensual. Also, evidently a lot of porn plays on racist tropes, so if we remove those as well we could, in theory have something that checks the liberal boxes, and that’s where we’re going to see the division. I’m not saying some liberals don’t hold that this fair trade porn is problematic (e.g. my note about the Icelandic Prime Minister), just that there’s less ideological consensus on this point. To put it in more concrete empirical terms, if anybody is aware of a survey dataset that has a question about attitudes towards porn in general (not legalization or regulation which brings in a bunch of other political ideology factors), I’d be willing to bet that the gender gap among liberals is higher than the gender gap among conservatives.

  11. RLD

    There’s a lot more boxes that could be checked–some of which you allude to in the OP–based on the messages pornography sends. You’d want it to not only have been made consensually, but portray getting consent (i.e. it’s not “rapey”). You don’t want it to cause body image issues for its consumers, or create unrealistic expectations about their partners. You don’t want it to create unrealistic expectations about what their partners will want (or even consider acceptable). Expanding on that last point, you’d want it to portray sex that’s realistically enjoyable for both partners, rather than what looks good to the male gaze.

    Already we’re talking about pornography that would be a lot less popular than what we currently have. But there’s another message that all porn sends to its consumers: whenever you want sex, there’s someone willing to provide it. The bulk of the time, a woman. That’s no small problem given how many women face violence when they fail to meet that expectation, whether from enraged “incels” or (far more likely) dates or domestic partners. That’s what really raises the question of whether there’s such a thing as “ethical porn” even from a secular liberal perspective.

    Yes, this is very much a minority position on the left. But I’m not so sure I’d call opposition to pornography a consensus on the right either at this point. Among the traditional right, sure, but the tech bros, the Joe Rogan fans, etc., not so much. Our politics are in a very strange state right now and both sides are pretty incoherent.

  12. Jack

    From a theological stand point–there’s the admonition from the Savior that we’re not even to lust after one another. And if we try to find a good secular reason for following that counsel–perhaps we’ll discover that eros has a way of subjugating the body–much like alcohol or drugs–if it is not bridled properly. Pornography is truly addictive for many people–and it cannot be healthy for men–and perhaps some few women–to be randy as he-goats 24-7.

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