- Last Lemming on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “That stricture [on oral sex] was never officially rescinded The “stricture” was contained in a single letter to bishops and stake presidents in the early 80s. You can search the Church website from front to back and you will not find that letter or any reference to it. The vast majority of adult members have never heard of it and I suspect that most would not believe you if you claimed, in their presence, that it was ever issued. Even during the single recommend interview that I underwent while it was in effect, the bishop was unwilling to say it out loud and it was not until I saw a copy of the letter years later that I finally understood what he was talking about. I don’t know precisely how the letter was rescinded, but I can think of few things during my lifetime (perhaps the POX) that have been promulgated and as thoroughly rescinded as that letter.” Apr 6, 14:58
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “The intent of Jesus’ teaching is clear: we should not have sexual thoughts or feelings about anyone but our spouse. Now, like many of the teachings in the Sermon on the Mount, this is a star to steer by rather than a destination we should expect to reach in this life. I’m in no position to judge anyone. But Jesus’ promise is that he can make us perfect in time–if that’s what we want. (Note that this is a commandment from the Savior in the scriptures. It is not comparable to some church leaders expressing their opinions on oral sex back in the 80s. Past teachings on birth control have been replaced by section 38.6.4 in the Handbook.) That we are (or should be) completely dependent on our spouses to fulfill our sexual desires is a feature, not a bug. Sexuality is designed to help couples cleave to one another. Physical intimacy should be a profoundly vulnerable and unselfish encounter with a complete person: body, soul, and agency. And not just any person, but the person we will share our entire lives and our eternities with. I can see how using pornography as a couple is far less destructive than using it alone, but it’s still separating sexuality from a complete relationship with a complete person. On “porn addiction” vs. “problematic compulsive use”: if you want to help someone with a problem, it helps to have an accurate understanding of the problem. Sometimes the details don’t matter: the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program works well for many people struggling with pornography because, despite the name, its approach isn’t specific to addiction. It’s really about crowding out darkness with the light of Christ. But it can help to have some understanding of the unique neurochemistry associated with sexuality, which is not the same as the neurochemistry associated with classic addiction. For example, the “drop” that some people experience after using pornography has a neurochemical component, and it shouldn’t be taken to mean either “Religion has ruined my ability to enjoy a harmless pastime without shame!” or “Now that I’ve realized how awful porn is I’ll never be tempted by it again!” It seems to me that some people are invested in pornography being “addictive” because they think that will make it sound scarier to youth. But we need to be worthy of their trust–the last thing someone who is striving to repent of problematic pornography use needs is to think “Wait, I’m not experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Were they lying to me about pornography being addictive?” The real consequences of using pornography should be persuasive enough if we teach them clearly.” Apr 6, 12:53
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “What about the no oral sex between married people teachings of the80s, that it was an impure and unholy sexual act? That stricture was never officially rescinded, and it came from the top leaders of the church. And what about the absolutist and frequently repeated condemnation of the evils of using birth control within a marriage? That has never been officially rescinded either, and it came from top leaders of the church for generations. By my moral calculus, these acts would have a case for being far more evil or immoral than a couple that utilizes pornography within their marriage. But I am guessing that Jonathan Greenwood and Matthew B have ignored both teachings for the good health of their marriage and because they have decided as married partners that they know best for their relationship. What is more, I am guessing that if they were totally honest, both would admit that one or both of those teachings from the highest leaders of the church were wrong and harmful. What accounts for this?” Apr 6, 11:17
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “I think members would be surprised that porn partakers are typically allowed to hold temple recommends. (if it is not extreme or hurts the spouse) Masturbaters are as well. Not long ago, leaders/members in the church were allowed (required) to have multiple wives. If our minds and belief can tell us that having sex with multiple women in the name of religion is holy, then maybe using porn to help a marriage cant be all that bad. IMO. Maybe Brother Anonymous has found a good use for it. Some who view porn may lead to adultery. Some who view porn may prevent adultery. In a perfect world we all get married and comply to the churches policies 100%. I say policies because we used to be ok with multiple wives, drinking booze, smoking/chewing, not following the laws of the land etc. Now we are hell-bound for doing those same things. Looking at a woman to lust is an important teaching to help us from committing the real (bigger) sin of fornication and adultery. Coveting is also a preemptive “bigger sin” stopper of say, stealing. Lusting is not the sin of adultery anymore than wishing your neighbor was dead is as bad as actually killing your neighbor. Bad thoughts is a sin but not the same as the sin of doing bad things. Can I lust after my wife? Is it the lust part that is bad or just the other woman part bad? Both? What is the bigger sin, Lust or hate? Porn or violence? Is divorce or porn the bigger sin? There are degrees of sin that we all deal with. Zero sin is ideal but not realistic for most. Even tho I would not live or suggest someone live the way Brother Anonymous does, I am happy that this is working for them and hope it continues to until they can live the higher law most commenters seem to be living. Didn’t Hinkley say we (church leaders) probably should not have “vilified” viewing porn so much in a conference talk?” Apr 6, 09:40
- on Cutting Edge Latter-day Saint Research, March 2026: “RL: For Table 1 I see that lifers are 95% white, exiters are 96.6% white, and converts are 84% white. So yes, converts do look like they’re less white than cradle Latter-day Saints, but I doubt the difference in race is significant between the exiters and lifers, since it’s only 1.6% different. The p-value is significant, but that’s for a chi-square that’s just testing whether the distribution as a whole, including the converts, is different, so it’s not specifically testing lifers versus leavers. So to make a long story short, I don’t really see a race story in who is leaving. Even though exiters are more white, it’s probably just noise.” Apr 6, 07:21
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “Here’s a basic teaching: “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” If you think I’m judgy, wait till you get to explain the time you tried to persuade people that using pornography was good and healthy. Assuming you’re real, I think there’s a good chance you’re setting yourself up for some massive problems down the road. You’ve persuaded your wife to ignore your porn habit and maybe indulge in her own. What happens when she starts feeling guilty after a talk at church or General Conference or a temple recommend interview? Libido is not the only thing that can be imbalanced in marriage; so can a sense of guilt. Are you going to prevent her from seeking guidance from the bishop? How does this play out when the bishop asks for your side of the story? If your marriage crumbles, for this or any other reason, how does your sophisticated take on pornography sound at a custody hearing? Lusting after other women is not something that should be normalized as part of a healthy marriage. Husbands, love your wives. Your real wife, not some airbrushed fake or AI hallucination.” Apr 6, 05:22
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: ““The Church condemns pornography in any form. Pornography use of any kind damages individual lives, families, and society. It also drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use.” -General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 38.6.13 You can disagree with the church on the matter if that’s how you feel. But that’s literally the official position of the church. And I don’t think the church is going to take your pornography usage lightly, even if you and your spouse genuinely don’t think it’s harming either of you personally.” Apr 5, 22:12
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “Jonathan Green, So you gouge your own eyes out and self-castrate and have sold all you have and given to the poor? Of course you haven’t. And those are basic teachings of Jesus. You have compromises that don’t just work, but make your life better and sweeter than being completely indigent and at least partially without sight. Your extremism about pornography usage between two loving and committed MARRIED adults says more about your own issues than it does your religious convictions. People with your particular malady of compulsive self- and other-shaming make me sad. We’re over here living our best LDS lives, temple recommend holding, tithe paying, enjoying how all our kids have opted to embrace their faith and religious commitments, and not feeling the slightest bit evil about how pornography is part of our marriage. Seriously, I am flummoxed by the tone of scrupulosity in your response. Oh well, live and let live!” Apr 5, 21:38
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “Using pornography is sinful and immoral, also evil and a moral failure. If one spouse feels more libidinous, using pornography to raise sexual arousal even more does not make any sense whatsoever. People can quibble about lots of things, but not this. The Church’s hard stance against pornography is correct.” Apr 5, 20:35
- on How Many Latter-day Saints View Pornography?: “More valuable would be a measurement of how many marriages are healthy, loving, and lifelong when pornography use of the spouses is not vilified and mutually understood to be an important tool in the individual and shared sex lives of the married couple. As a middle aged person in a very happy and healthy LDS marriage that has persisted for decades and grows stronger by the year, I can report that pornography has been a crucial component to our relationship for all the obvious reasons (differing libidos, stressful seasons, pregnancy/parturition/child-rearing, health issues, perimenopause/menopause, etc.). Many years ago we had some honest conversations with each other and decided to let go of accumulated religious shame and expectations…and presto! Seriously one of the best things we have ever done as a couple. Is this sinful or immoral? We absolutely can say it is not. We have a lovely and mutually respectful relationship, healthy and thriving kids all interested and active in the church, and an exciting sex life together that is fully ours and better now than in our 20s. We are your most basic looking church members in the pews, and nothing about us says anything but normal, boring, happy 40-50 somethings, because we are normal, boring, and happy. I don’t know because I respect boundaries and I love for others to have their privacy and choices remain fully theirs, but I am guessing that many, many healthy and happy marriages are pretty much like ours, all across Utah and beyond. The broad brushstrokes of pornography use=evil/moral failure is too broad and unproductive. Unhappy marriages undermined by guilt, suspicion, and unaddressed biological realities are a far worse problem in my life experience.” Apr 5, 13:54
