How we’re perceived in popular culture is one of those questions that usually devolve into anecdote slinging, with all the biases inherent in what we remember or are in a position to experience. Recently I ran across a “corpus,” or a dataset, of scripts in movies. Specifically, the Baskin Lab at UC Santa Cruz keeps a dataset of 1,068 films in an easily digestible text format, so I wrote a script to detect any usage of the word “Mormon” and to give me the immediate context surrounding the word: whether it’s pejorative, flattering, or what. This has the advantage of giving us a somewhat random sampling of mentions of Mormons in cinema; specifically, within 17 movies, none of which are Mormon-specific per se. What do they say?
The results are below. Basically, our main function in cinema is to be the ah-shucks, innocent foil to some world-smart/weary main character. Although I did laugh out loud at the John Malkovich character in “Burn Without Reading,” and this provided a nostalgic reminder of “Fort Joe Smith” from Starship Troopers (you can always tell where somebody gets their sources by if they say “Joe” Smith, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pro or neutral source say “Joe” Smith, it’s always some 19th-century anti).
You
get stopped in Utah by the cops —
you flunk the breathalizer, they
haul you in. The judge is Mormon —
you get fifteen years, you go to
prison, but at least your life has
taken a direction!
Nick and
assault.
PECK
Come on, Ozzie.
OSBOURNE
This is an assault. I have a drinking
problem? Fuck you, Peck, you’re a
Mormon!
PECK
Ozzie—-
OSBOURNE
Next to you we all have a drinking
problem! Fuck you guys! Whose ass
didn’t I kiss?
– DAY
NANCE, with suitcase, and PISCANO leave the car and enter
the produce market.
NICKY (V.O.)
Now this old Mormon fuck here…
CUT TO: NANCE, AS HE GETS OUT OF PISCANO’S CAR
INT. SAN MARINO ITALIAN GROCERY, KANSAS CITY –
Quinn was a step ahead of you, and looked
for a human ally. That ally was Joseph
Smith, and Quinn…or I mean Moroni…led
Joseph to the plates that later when into-
Ryan picks a book up and throws it at Louis. Louis looks
down at the “Book Of Mormon”.
RYAN BLOOD (CONT’D)
-His little plan didn’t work, but the
book is a great coffee table discussion
piece. This made him weak Louis. You
could have destroyed him. The problem is
you’ve allowed yourself to become fond of
him. YOU need to embrace your destiny.
……..
Zoey is flipping through documents.
JACK (CONT’D)
Quinn displayed some erratic behavior
from the beginning. One of the staff
members was Mormon and they would read
stories to Quinn out of the Book Of
Mormon. That employee was later fired,
but a seed was planted in Quinn’s head.
He kept going on about how he and Louis
were meant to fight to the death. Some of
the children at the time claim Louis
would encourage this behavior. He
probably thought this was Quinn’s attempt
at playing.
Yes I believe a seed was planted.
ZOEY
Exactly. I heard there was an employee
that got fired for sharing Mormon
mythology with the boys.
JAKE
(monotone)
No. Off base. He’s not the right one.
Why do I need to?
Bill catches Abby’s eyes. He frowns at the idea of being cooped up with this Mormon all winter.
BILL
Relaxation. Look at the girls. Opportunity to see how other folks live.
Chuck looks at him blankly.
not tonight–it
could still be tonight because it
could be any night.
JULES
Fuck you, Clarence.
LEBOW
Heyl I’m a Mormon 1
HOGUE
You have some objection to these
guys killing each other? .
MARSHALL
It’s just that–one of them’s one
we’re looking at has an even
more frightening smile.)
MRS. ABERNATHY has hair to her ankles and dresses like a
Mormon.
4.
OLIVE (V.O.)
I’ve always felt sort of sorry for
Rhiannon, but not enough to do what
she was asking
SOLDIER
Utah, the Bee-Hive state. I’m from Orem,
right near Salt Lake … Say, you
wouldn’t happen to be a Mormon, would
you?
(CONTINUED)
55.
CONTINUED:
CAROL
(chuckles)
No, I’m not.
SOLDIER
Me, neither. There’s about twelve people
in the state
bullshit —
HENESSEY
Whoa. Ms. Class, drive a little truck
on the side, do you?
SAMANTHA
What are you, a Mormon?
HENESSEY
No, ma’am, it’s just that… well,
when we met you’re all, “Oh, fooey,
I burned the darn cupcakes.” Now,
surprised and giggling.
ANDY
Ladies and Gentlemen, she’s alive!
Huge APPLAUSE.
CHOIR (O.S.)
HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!
ANDY
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir!!!
Rear curtains part, and the MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR belts
out the “Hallelujah Chorus”!
It’s spectacular. The crowd goes
MALLOY. They’re nice boys. Really.
Peckerwoods, sure, but nice.
RUSTY (V.O.)
I talked to the Malloys yesterday.
DANNY (V.O.)
The Mormon twins?
RUSTY (V.O.)
They’re both in Salt Lake City,
six months off the job. I got the
sense they’re having
one.
UTAH
Well, what’re your ideas on these
guys?
PAPPAS
Forget about it, kid. They’re
ghosts. Let the goddamn yuppie
Mormon affirmative action assholes
handle it. See I’m almost 55… so
I must be senile, right? They
better get me out
I mean
it’s like a nine or ten hour drive.
It’s not like going to Salt Lake
and getting the Mormon’s, it’s
different…
After a long, long staring contest with David, Dean SUDDENLY
AND VERY VIOLENTLY PUTS HIS FIST THROUGH THE
of a tranquil alien bay.
Then, a “You Are Here” map of the Known Universe.
OFFICIAL VOICE
Disregarding Federal warnings, Mormon
extremists established Port Joe Smith,
a settlement of 300 on Tango Urilla, a
system just inside the Arachnid
Quarantine Zone.
back to Lynn. Lynn waves it
off a second time.
(CONTINUED)
GREEN REVISION 3/5/07 64.
99 CONTINUED: 99
NORAH
She’s Mormon.
LYNN
I’m not Mormon. I just… You’re
gonna think it’s weird.
NORAH
What?
LYNN
Sometimes I think that when you
blood-shot concentration.
NORAH
All right, you’re kind of freakin
me out.
LYNN
Sorry.
NORAH
You should just tell people you’re
Mormon.
LYNN
I think your boyfriend is winning.
Two women gnaw at Randy’s neck. His necklace is almost empty.
NORAH
Yes.
become more
exaggerated, she’s in the thrall of her audience.
CHANTEUSE
(singing)
‘Hangtown gals are lovely
creatures
Think they’ll marry Mormon
preachers.’
She sashays over to the French dignitary, pulls his
monocle out of his eye and blows hot breath on
at the window)
Besides, she doesn’t really know me. She
thinks she does, but she doesn’t. Maybe it’s
because she’s Mormon and I’m Catholic.
GRADY
Maybe it’s because she’s beautiful and she
knows it and try as she might to not
enters this SMOKE-FILLED RHYTHM AND BLUES club. She beckons
with a finger, but Grady–Nervous at the sight of her
glistening Mormon skin–merely pantomimes an exaggerated
shrug and she points.
CRABTREE and James Leer sit at a dark corner table. James
slouches,
block, then
turns back for another pass.
VERNON
Who the hell is that?
GRADY
A Manhattan book editor murdering a Mormon
girl’s clutch.
The car bucks crazily, picks up speed, and Crabtree–
swiping aside a flutter of MANUSCRIPT PAGES that have
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