{"id":4926,"date":"2008-11-29T13:40:18","date_gmt":"2008-11-29T17:40:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/?p=4926"},"modified":"2009-01-15T19:32:46","modified_gmt":"2009-01-15T23:32:46","slug":"what-the-smith-boys-said-this-year-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/2008\/11\/what-the-smith-boys-said-this-year-5\/","title":{"rendered":"What the Smith Boys Said This Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

Previous installments can be accessed through this link<\/a>.
\n<\/p>\n

This year, Simon turned ten, Nathan turned seven, and Truman turned four.<\/p>\n

5.13.07 (yes, this is from last year; but it simply can\u2019t be lost to the ages)
\nNathan turns on, but cannot figure out how to turn off, the ice cream dispenser at the Chinese restaurant. Much hilarity ensues.<\/p>\n

12.10.07
\nSimon announces his plan to use reverse sinology on Truman.<\/p>\n

12.14.07
\nTruman, upon crawling into bed with Julie: \u201cOpen your eyes! Talk with me!\u201d<\/p>\n

12.17.07
\nJulie, to a friend: \u201cOh, I covet your Christmas tree! It\u2019s gorgeous!\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cMom, I thought you were familiar with the Ten Commandments.\u201d<\/p>\n

12.23.07
\nTruman to Julie, in church: \u201cMom, I want to check your hair for bugs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan: \u201cMom, when we go to the store, can I get some eggs?\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cWhat for?\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cI want to learn how to juggle.\u201d<\/p>\n

12.26.07
\nJulie: \u201cWas yesterday Christmas?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cNo\u2014it has to snow to be Christmas!\u201d<\/p>\n

Derrick: \u201cWhy are you throwing all of the bananas into the trashcan?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cBecause they don\u2019t work. I can\u2019t open them.\u201d<\/p>\n

1.2.08
\nTruman: \u201cHow long until Christmas?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan: \u201cMom, can I have a flamethrower?\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cNathan, you\u2019re so cute. I\u2019m glad you are my kid.\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cYou\u2019re trying to change the subject, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

1.7.08
\nSimon, in a toga, with an accent: \u201cI am Caesar Augustus! And I decree that from now on, all children in this house may consume candy at their pleasure!\u201d<\/p>\n

1.8.08
\nTruman: \u201cI want broccoli for lunch. JUST broccoli.\u201d (He wasn\u2019t joking.)<\/p>\n

1.23.08
\nJulie woke up to discover Truman hiding under the kitchen table with a half-eaten bag of marshmallows. Truman: \u201cNext time, don\u2019t look under the table.\u201d<\/p>\n

1.27.08
\nDerrick has confiscated a sword from Truman and is trying to talk to him about his behavior. Truman is tugging on the sword with all of his might. Simon, in his best Merlin voice: \u201cI am sorry, my son, but it appears that you are not the one to remove this sword from the stone.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.1.08
\nNathan: \u201cMom, have you ever known anyone to unexpectedly combust?\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cThat\u2019s a relief.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.2.08
\nNathan: \u201cDad, was I ever a grub?\u201d<\/p>\n

2.4.08
\nDerrick: \u201cWhat\u2019s a composite number?\u201d
\nSimon: \u201cAn old number\u2014no longer in its prime!\u201d<\/p>\n

2.5.08
\nTruman: \u201cDaddy, I want to be a spider and spin a giant web and catch a bus!\u201d<\/p>\n

2.6.08
\nJulie: \u201cWhere\u2019s Nathan?\u201d
\nSimon: \u201cHe\u2019s having technical difficulties.\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cWhat does that mean exactly?\u201d
\nSimon: \u201cI don\u2019t know. But it\u2019s just something that you hear a lot and know what kind of situation to use it in.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.8.08
\nNathan: \u201cI think Teletubbies should be off TV because they go around all smiley and give kids the wrong idea . . . there\u2019s bad stuff out there that they never warn you about . . . like a tiger could eat you.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.16.08
\nNathan, to a random adult at church, apropos of nothing: \u201cDo you know why I love my dad?\u201d
\nRandom adult: \u201cWhy?
\nNathan: \u201cBecause he served a mission to Japan and that\u2019s where Pokemon comes from.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.17.08
\nSimon, about to put his face in the empty donut box: \u201cI will now glean the fields.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.27.08
\nJulie and Derrick are pretend arguing for Simon\u2019s benefit. Derrick pauses.
\nSimon: \u201cDad! Quick! Think of a retort or mom will win!\u201d<\/p>\n

2.27.08
\nNathan: \u201cSince I\u2019m not going to college, can I have that money in my allowance?\u201d<\/p>\n

3.3.08
\nNathan: \u201cHey, mom, could we . . . oh, never mind. That would be asking too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

3.4.08
\nSimon, presented with some math problems that required him to find the errors and correct them: \u201cMy job is to make errors, not fix them!\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman, looking in the mirror: \u201cWhy are there two eyes? Just to be fancy!\u201d<\/p>\n

3.14.08
\nJulie: \u201cWe\u2019re going to do a project where you might get dirty\u2014so wear clothes that you don\u2019t mind getting dirty.\u201d
\nSimon and Nathan, in unison and without skipping a beat: \u201cWe\u2019ll wear church clothes!\u201d<\/p>\n

3.20.08
\nNathan, to the waitress at SuperSalad: \u201cMay I see the wine list?\u201d<\/p>\n

3.28.08
\nJulie points out to Nathan that his handwriting lesson on question marks needs improvement.
\nNathan: \u201cMom, I\u2019m not a professional question mark writer!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan: \u201cIs it OK to sell fake insurance?\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cNo.\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cDrat. I was going to have an insurance stand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman, screaming in the car for ten minutes: \u201cI DON\u2019T WANT TO GO!\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cTruman?\u201d
\nTruman is finally quiet.
\nJulie: \u201cDo you want to go?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cNo.\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say something?\u201d
\nTruman: (silence)
\nNathan and Simon die laughing.<\/p>\n

4.10.08
\nTruman, two days after we get home: \u201cCan we go back to Florida?\u201d<\/p>\n

4.13.08
\nNathan: \u201cFor my birthday, can I have a time machine?\u201d<\/p>\n

4.16.08
\nTruman burps.
\nTruman: \u201cI burped. And no excuse me.\u201d<\/p>\n

4.23.08
\nNathan: \u201cI\u2019m going to torment Truman.\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cPlease don\u2019t.\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cIt\u2019s OK. He can torment me.\u201d<\/p>\n

4.28.08
\nJulie tried to pin down the source of Simon\u2019s new four-letter word.
\nJulie: \u201cWhere did you learn that?\u201d
\nSimon: \u201cAt church.\u201d<\/p>\n

4.30.08
\nNathan, in robot costume and voice: \u201cMy planet is in danger. We need smoky bacon cheddar potato chips to survive.\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cNathan, finish cleaning your room!\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cWho is \u2018Nathan\u2019 and what is a \u2018room\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

5.6.08
\nNathan: \u201cAre scythes in fashion?\u201d<\/p>\n

5.11.08
\nNathan made a Mother\u2019s Day card at church. Next to the little poem about the flower, he wrote, \u201cI would kill for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

5.20.08
\nTruman, looking at the tile on the kitchen floor: \u201cI HATE these triangles!\u201d<\/p>\n

5.23.08
\nSimon: \u201cI think the two most evil things in the world are nuclear bombs and squash soup.\u201d<\/p>\n

5.28.08
\nTruman, unable to open the lotion: \u201cMom, will you help me with this darn thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman: \u201cI am going to change my name to George.\u201d<\/p>\n

6.1.08
\nNathan: \u201cI want to invent an airbag for computers so people won\u2019t break their noses if they fall asleep in their cubicles.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan, with reference to the people in Moses\u2019 time: \u201cI wonder why God was good to these people\u2014they were really pushing their luck!\u201d<\/p>\n

6.17.08
\nNathan: \u201cThere\u2019s only two things that I am afraid of: high ceilings and kissing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman said something about Firefox.
\nSimon: \u201cFirefox? What do you know about Firefox? I\u2019ll Firefox you, young man!\u201d<\/p>\n

7.2.08
\nTruman: \u201cMom, can we give up electricity?\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cWhy?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cBecause I just hate light!\u201d<\/p>\n

7.4.08
\nTruman, at 8:54am: \u201cI\u2019m so sick of this day!\u201d<\/p>\n

7.12.08
\nNathan: \u201cMom, at my birthday party can we have advanced water balloons where we fill them with syrup?\u201d<\/p>\n

8.11.08
\nTruman, indignant: \u201cMom! Nathan called me an \u2018adios\u2019 and then he ran away!\u201d<\/p>\n

8.20.08
\nJulie: \u201cYou\u2019re delicious! Can I nibble on you?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cBut I\u2019m skin and bones!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan: \u201cMom! Simon destroyed my aerodynamics experiment and he deserves to die!\u201d<\/p>\n

8.27.08
\nTruman is studying the cover of a book called Asleep in the Stable<\/a>.
\nDerrick: \u201cWhat\u2019s happening in this picture?\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cI think the cows stole the baby.\u201d
\nDerrick: \u201cI think it is the baby Jesus asleep in the manger, the place that animals eat from.\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cWhy did the cows steal the baby Jesus?\u201d<\/p>\n

9.1.08
\nTruman, after his first big ride at the waterpark: \u201cI didn\u2019t like that . . . it was scary
\n. . . can we do it again?\u201d<\/p>\n

9.9.08
\nJulie: \u201cTru, you\u2019re such a good boy!\u201d
\nTruman sings at the top of his lungs.
\nJulie: \u201cToo loud!\u201d
\nTruman: \u201cSee? I\u2019m not a good boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

9.23.08
\nNathan to Julie: \u201cAre you sure your back really hurts and this isn\u2019t just something to get us to do your work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

9.28.08
\nTruman: \u201cI tried to read this book but it didn\u2019t work!\u201d<\/p>\n

10.4.08
\nTruman, on his upcoming birthday: \u201cBut I don\u2019t want to be a different number!\u201d<\/p>\n

10.5.08
\nTruman in announcing his assent to the addition of salsa to his eggs: \u201cYes! And maybe a little Ranch dressing and howabout some mustard and maybe a little ketchup!\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman, later: \u201cI\u2019m full. Can I have a pickle?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nathan: \u201cWhy isn\u2019t the man who invented the yo-yo considered to be the most important man in the world?\u201d<\/p>\n

10.6.08
\nNathan: \u201cHow does soldiers killing each other solve the world\u2019s problems?\u201d<\/p>\n

Simon: \u201cNo one should ever have to choose between chocolate and peanut butter!\u201d<\/p>\n

10.21.08
\nJulie, re the oil change: \u201cThis is taking forever!\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cShould we sue them?\u201d<\/p>\n

10.31.08
\nSimon, re Halloween: \u201cThat was worth waiting 365 days for!\u201d<\/p>\n

11.1.08
\nTruman: \u201cI hate the feel of Nathan\u2019s skin.\u201d<\/p>\n

11.3.08
\nNathan: \u201cSo if you lose your birth certificate, do you have to be born all over again?\u201d<\/p>\n

11.14.08
\nNathan: \u201cThe great thing about Truman is that he\u2019s so little he\u2019ll believe anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

11.15.08
\nTruman on the phone from Florida: \u201cHello . . . and goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

11.21.08
\nTruman: \u201cI thought when I was on my Florida trip that the brothers already growed up to a man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Truman: \u201cIn Florida, I had cake for dinner.\u201d
\n(careful questioning determines that he had crab cakes)<\/p>\n

11.25.08
\nNathan: \u201cI am now officially bored. I have a certificate upstairs.\u201d
\nJulie: \u201cBored boys get jobs to do.\u201d
\nNathan: \u201cI am now having the time of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

11.27.08
\nSimon, upon entering the room where his mother and grandmother were playing Scrabble, said in his best British accent and a stage whisper: \u201cAh, and here we see two females of the species, locked in mortal combat. . . \u201c<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Previous installments can be accessed through this link.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4926"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4926\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5434,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4926\/revisions\/5434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}