{"id":46785,"date":"2024-03-21T06:48:32","date_gmt":"2024-03-21T12:48:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.timesandseasons.org\/?p=46785"},"modified":"2024-09-02T09:09:17","modified_gmt":"2024-09-02T15:09:17","slug":"a-little-hippyish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/2024\/03\/a-little-hippyish\/","title":{"rendered":"“A Little Hippyish”"},"content":{"rendered":"

I got M and J’s permission to share this on the blog and M read it before I published it though she made me take out the best line. :(<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSo are they pretty straight arrows, all good with them?\u201d SP2 asked me when he called a little less than a year before my release to get some info on the J&M who he was thinking of asking to perform a musical number at the adult session of stake conference. He’d called to ask about their musical aptitude, but included the above question as well.<\/p>\n

To me J&M, a late 20s couple, were all good, but I felt that they didn\u2019t really fit SP2\u2019s definition of \u201cstraight arrow\u201d\/orthodox member and thus saying yes to that question felt a touch misleading. M (wife) had ruffled feathers from the get go, calling out people in casual settings for uncharitable speech in woke ways, her husband J has shoulder length hair and a beard, and both had given the WILDEST talks I\u2019d ever heard in church when we had them speak after moving to the ward.<\/p>\n

M talked about how the church had been a good place for her, but had struggled since the pandemic, had lots of LGBT+ friends and those sympatric who had struggled with and left the church. M said something like, \u201cwhile the church has been a good place for me, I also acknowledge those whom I love that have felt harmed by the church.\u201d NEVER HEARD THAT OVER THE PULPIT. She ended her talk with saying that she did not KNOW the church was true but believed it, and had a lot to work through. Her husband gave a similar talk.<\/p>\n

I invited them to the safe-space group soon after.<\/p>\n

So when SP2 asked me about their orthodoxy, I didn\u2019t feel like yes was the right answer according to his definition, but thought \u201cwhy does that matter for them just to sing?\u201d So I tried to think of an answer that wasn\u2019t misleading but one that wouldn\u2019t arouse too much concern. I thought \u201ca little edgy,\u201d but worried that would bring on more questions.<\/p>\n

Then I thought of it: \u201cUm\u2026 they\u2019re a little hippyish.\u201d He kind of laughed, they performed, and it was beautiful.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

And we proceeded with our safe-space group with them and other members, but toward the end, I started worrying if what I was doing was working. M sounded SO much like the many of the contributors to Feminist Mormon Housewives: troubled childhood, feeling rescued by the church, feminist\/liberal awakening, very far-left views, and lots of frustration with the church based on those views.<\/p>\n

Not that I knew anyone personally, but the impression I got c. 2009 was that it sounded like the bloggers at FMH almost all wanted to leave, and were something as a support group to each other on the way out the door. That worried me in the case of M, and I hoped to try to steer things in what I thought was a better direction.<\/p>\n

But no such luck, it seemed. The pinnacle statement came when we had last years\u2019 May safe-space meeting which happened to come the day after I\u2019d been told I\u2019d be released and the ward boundaries redrawn.<\/p>\n

At the end of the meeting M made the following declaration. \u201cI\u2019m so torn,\u201d she said. \u201cI won\u2019t shop at Chick-Fil-A or endorse Harry Potter because I don\u2019t want to hurt people. How does it make sense that I\u2019m in the church? But the church will always be a part of me and so will Harry Potter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yikes, I thought, I\u2019ve never personally seen anyone who stated views so staunchly make it work with the church (maybe they\u2019re out there, I just don\u2019t know them).<\/p>\n

I figured that based on all I\u2019d seen in the Bloggernacle, M was headed for the door. It would probably take a couple of years of hemming and hawing on the way out (like I\u2019d seen on the Bloggernacle) but she was on her way out. And the trend I\u2019d noticed is that when such wives leave, they usually take their husbands with them.<\/p>\n

So that made me really sad, but I figured it was hard fact that I had to deal with: I\u2019m here to do my best but I can\u2019t control other people, just like I can\u2019t control my own children. I made a good effort but I couldn\u2019t insist on the outcomes I wanted for people.<\/p>\n

The following week as I sat across from M at our ward\u2019s final linger longer, she expressed great appreciation to me for being her bishop while I thought \u201cThat\u2019s really nice, which makes it all the more painful that you\u2019re headed for the door.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was so sure of my analysis that I was missing a few interesting clues like the fact that the previous Sunday evening, the new bishop had called me to asked what kind of young men\u2019s leader J had been, and me, not thinking that people like them would ever be called into the bishopric, thought the new bishop was simply asking about J as a YM adviser. \u201cNo, YM leaders were a little down the road in terms of callings,\u201d the bishop pointed out as the all laughed at me later for missing the obvious.<\/p>\n

And the fact that J&M both introduced me to J\u2019s dad who\u2019d flown in from out of town as I sat with them at the linger longer was another missed clue. Missing all these clues, I was flabbergasted when at the stake meeting where they called us all together to explain the new boundaries and call the new bishoprics, J called to be made a high priest then into the bishopric.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat!” I thought. “The hippies don\u2019t get called into the bishopric! They get seen as somewhat dangerous and thus kept away from \u2018sensitive\u2019 callings like Young Women or other leadership callings. People talk about how to reign in their wild comments in gospel doctrine and other classes. They don\u2019t get put in the bishopric, and what was J doing still having his long hair and beard?!\u201d (I may say more about that later.)<\/p>\n

Had everything I thought I knew about church culture been thrown out the window? Did I not know the cultural \u201crules\u201d anymore? Part of me felt like I\u2019d wake up in the morning and not be able to read the street signs. Was M NOT headed for the door like I assumed?<\/p>\n

The new bishopric called my wife as YW pres who in turn called M as one of her advisors, and we\u2019re all pretty good buddies. But I kept wondering how M was doing based on everything I\u2019d seen. She didn\u2019t seem to be voicing a tone of unhappiness but her far-left views didn\u2019t seem to have changed either.<\/p>\n

It was M that I quoted on a comment on a previous post: \u201cSpeaking only for myself, I\u2019m in a much better place now than when we moved here. Obviously there\u2019s still a lot I don\u2019t know or understand and would like to talk about, but I don\u2019t feel as desperate or lost. And a huge part of it is just knowing there\u2019s a group of people in the same boat!\u201d<\/p>\n

Interesting. Again her social views haven\u2019t changed at all. When they invited us to go with them to the temple in the fall, my wife asked her if it was okay if we stopped to get food at Chick-Fil-A. \u201cAs long as I\u2019m not buying,\u201d she said a little apologetically and added that she was now boycotting McDonalds and Starbucks over Palestine.<\/p>\n

The kids these days (the tile of my next post).<\/p>\n

Of course the bishop who called him, he and his wife also in the group. Though we\u2019d spent more time with the new bishop and wife than anyone else as a couple while bishop, they’re kind of mysterious, like I said, so I called up a mutual mentor to ask if he had any insights. He said the new bishop was very impressive but that he and his wife didn\u2019t talk about themselves much. But he added this caveat. \u201cI did at one point tell her. \u2018I believe that deep down you are a hippie.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

When I passed that story on to the J&M, I added, \u201cA ward run by hippies? My kind of ward!\u201d<\/p>\n

They weren\u2019t sure about the hippie moniker but understood I meant it affectionately.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes the stake have any idea what they\u2019re getting!?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

M replied. \u201cWell, if they don\u2019t, God does.\u201d And that got me a little teary-eyed as that\u2019s was a big goal I had with the group.<\/p>\n

M, of course, is only one person, but I\u2019m seeing some interesting trends among the younger members and am curious about the implication of M not only staying because she\u2019s found \u201cother people in the same boat,\u201d but that some of those in the boat are being called into local leadership at a young age.<\/p>\n

To me this suggests some possible trends, which would also suggest to me some cultural changes ahead. More musings in my next posts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I got M and J’s permission to share this on the blog and M read it before I published it though she made me take out the best line. :( \u201cSo are they pretty straight arrows, all good with them?\u201d SP2 asked me when he called a little less than a year before my release to get some info on the J&M who he was thinking of asking to perform a musical number at the adult session of stake conference. He’d called to ask about their musical aptitude, but included the above question as well. To me J&M, a late 20s couple, were all good, but I felt that they didn\u2019t really fit SP2\u2019s definition of \u201cstraight arrow\u201d\/orthodox member and thus saying yes to that question felt a touch misleading. M (wife) had ruffled feathers from the get go, calling out people in casual settings for uncharitable speech in woke ways, her husband J has shoulder length hair and a beard, and both had given the WILDEST talks I\u2019d ever heard in church when we had them speak after moving to the ward. M talked about how the church had been a good place for her, but had struggled since […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10406,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-46785","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-latter-day-saint-thought"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46785","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10406"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46785"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46785\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47872,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46785\/revisions\/47872"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46785"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46785"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46785"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}