{"id":4193,"date":"2007-10-22T00:09:41","date_gmt":"2007-10-22T04:09:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/?p=4193"},"modified":"2007-10-22T00:10:37","modified_gmt":"2007-10-22T04:10:37","slug":"if-im-not-alexander-i-must-be-diogenes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/2007\/10\/if-im-not-alexander-i-must-be-diogenes\/","title":{"rendered":"If I’m Not Alexander, I Must Be Diogenes"},"content":{"rendered":"

The textbook I used when I taught freshman comp at BYU contains an essay by Gilbert Highet titled \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Diogenes and Alexander.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d This well embellished tale recounts the legendary maybe-it-happened, maybe-it-didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t visit that Alexander the Great paid to the notorious Cynic philosopher at Corinth. The meaning of this \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mutt Who Snarled at a King\u00e2\u20ac\u009d story seems to hinge upon polar differences between the two men, one a much feared and fawned upon conquerer, the other a relentless and often grotesque social critic who scorned human comforts and lampooned conventions at every turn. <\/p>\n

As the story goes, Diogenes lay stretched across the ground, basking in the sun, paying little attention either to the gathering crowd or to Alexander\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s approach. Highet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s version of the story has Alexander taking notice of the rag Diogenes wore, his neglected person, and the cracked pot he was reputed to live in. He asked, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is there anything I can do for you, Diogenes?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said Diogenes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Stand to one side. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re blocking the sunlight.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The crowd awaited the king\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reaction to Diogenes\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 surly words. But Alexander only walked away, saying, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I were not Alexander, I should be Diogenes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n

Highet says those hearing Alexander\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s remark thought it a bit of glibness meant to defuse an awkward situation. But Highet thinks that Alexander recognized himself in Diogenes: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153[Alexander] knew that of all men then alive in the world only Alexander the conqueror and Diogenes the beggar were truly free.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I think Highet might be right, Alexander did recognize himself in Diogenes. But instead of showing how the two men shared freedom of mind and body, the story might suggest how similar excesses of personality bound them in spirit. This<\/a> author suggests narcissism on both sides. <\/p>\n

Around the time I used this story in class, I had a funny dream. I was walking through a series of passages cut through solid stone. Over one archway, a sunflower had been carved into the rock. As I walked behind two men, both hippy-like in appearance with long hair, beards, and careless clothes, I heard one say to the other, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust Mormons. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take you for all you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re self-serving and dangerous.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n

Shocked and offended, I followed these gentlemen until I came to a doorway that led to a well-lit cavern. This was my actual destination, and I went in. Folding chairs had been set out in rows. A meeting was in progress \u00e2\u20ac\u201c an LDS fireside. As I made my way to an empty chair, I heard the speaker, a balding man dressed in a suit and tie, say in exactly the same tone the hippy had used, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust non-Mormons. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take you for all you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re self-serving and dangerous.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

I folded my arms across my chest, sat down hard in a chair, and resolved to sit tight until, as I thought in the dream, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153something better happens.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Like I said, a funny dream. But along with Highet\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s essay, it rises to mind whenever I see people who argue opposite positions fling the same anger- or fear-charged tones and flaming rhetoric at each other. Call it a weird hobby, but my mind casts them in different versions of the Diogenes and Alexander tale. For instance, after witnessing all the apparently polarized (and polarizing) language traded between the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153tree huggers\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and the ATVers over \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crossfire Canyon,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I can imagine the following scene.<\/p>\n

An ATVer of some social standing rides his new ATV, bought not on credit but with his hard-earned and carefully saved wages, up to a tree-hugger basking on a rock. To Mr. ATVer, the socially and physically idle tree-hugger seems in need of \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 something. A ride, at least. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you lost?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d asks Mr. ATVer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is there something I can do for you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You idiot<\/em>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mr. Tree-hugger. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Get that thing out of here. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s giving Nature road burn and ripping holes in my solitude.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Riled, ATVer guns his machine and rides off, leaving Tree-hugger\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s head rattling with engine vibrations. A thought flits through ATVer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind, affirming the superiority of his way of life over Tree-hugger\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. But as he lingers over it, it acquires the tarnish of paradox, then the diplopia of ambiguity: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been brought up to love what I love and work for what I work for, I might be like that naked guy back there on that rock.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Squint, tip the page a bit, and the characters become more or less interchangeable.<\/p>\n

Likewise, sentimentalists \u00e2\u20ac\u201c people who take pleasure from emotional overindulgence \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and cynics \u00e2\u20ac\u201c people who enjoy being habitually scornful or negative \u00e2\u20ac\u201c appear to be opposite personalities. But closer inspection of the contrariness of any given cynic might well reveal him to be only a disillusioned sentimentalist whose psychological pendulum has frozen at the apex of a counter-swing. Another weird hobby: I like playing around with the following, um, extended joke:<\/p>\n

A sentimentalist and a cynic sit in hell. The sentimentalist says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Children are God\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s best gifts; every time I see one of those little darlings, it makes me want to cry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know what you mean,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says the cynic. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kids drive me to tears, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The sentimentalist catches something in the cynic\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But surely their sweet innocence touches your heart!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she says. The cynic scoffs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Innocence is merely the absence of being found out,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not where children are concerned,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d insists the sentimentalist. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Especially<\/em> where kids are concerned!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d retorts the cynic. The sentimentalist\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face reddens. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you hate children so?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asks, eyes filling with tears. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hate them?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says the cynic. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m merely careful of them, as I would be skunks and low-flying bats that might get caught in my hair.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The sentimentalist begins weeping copiously. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, no! No \u00e2\u20ac\u201c not that!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d moans the cynic. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please, turn it off before you drown us again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re inhuman!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the sentimentalist screams. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Me!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the cynic says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I’m<\/em> not the one sitting in hell all day embroidering \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDo the Math, Count Your Blessings\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 on hankies!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The sentimentalist weeps harder. Repulsed, the cynic glances at the room\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s walls, but as always, he can see no escape. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This must be how an ant stuck in a Popsicle melting on a hot sidewalk feels,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he groans. <\/p>\n

Ad infinitum.<\/em> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The textbook I used when I taught freshman comp at BYU contains an essay by Gilbert Highet titled \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Diogenes and Alexander.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d This well embellished tale recounts the legendary maybe-it-happened, maybe-it-didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t visit that Alexander the Great paid to the notorious Cynic philosopher at Corinth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":100,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-corn"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/100"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4193"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4193\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}