These church bulletin bloopers have been making the rounds; on the off chance you haven’t seen them yet:<\/p>\n
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\nThe Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.<\/p>\n
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\nThe sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
\nThe sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”<\/p>\n
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\nOur youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
\nrecreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.<\/p>\n
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\nLadies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those
\nthings not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.<\/p>\n
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\nThe peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
\ndue to a conflict.<\/p>\n
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\nRemember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
\nsomeone who is hard to love.<\/p>\n
Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.<\/p>\n
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\nDon’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.<\/p>\n
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\nMiss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious
\npleasure to the congregation.<\/p>\n
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\nFor those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
\ndownstairs.<\/p>\n
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\nNext Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
\nThey need all the help they can get.<\/p>\n
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\nThe Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
\nsing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”<\/p>\n
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\nIrving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
\nSo ends a friendship that began in their school days.<\/p>\n
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\nA bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.<\/p>\n
Music will follow.<\/p>\n
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\nAt the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?”
\nCome early and listen to our choir practice.<\/p>\n
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\nEight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
\nnew members and to the deterioration of some older ones.<\/p>\n
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\nScouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
\nProceeds will be used to cripple children.<\/p>\n
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\nPlease place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
\nyou want remembered.<\/p>\n
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\nThe church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
\ngracious hostility.
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\nPotluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.<\/p>\n
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\nThe ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.<\/p>\n
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n
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\nThis evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
\nthe Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.<\/p>\n
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\nLadies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
\ninvited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.<\/p>\n
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\nThe pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
\nlend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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\nLow Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.<\/p>\n
Please use the back door.<\/p>\n
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\nThe eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church
\nbasement Friday at 7 PM.<\/p>\n
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<\/p>\n
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\nWeight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.<\/p>\n
Please use large double door at the side entrance.<\/p>\n
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\nThe Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan
\nlast Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
These church bulletin bloopers have been making the rounds; on the off chance you haven’t seen them yet:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3759","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-corn"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3759","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3759"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3759\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}