{"id":34214,"date":"2015-11-21T09:30:36","date_gmt":"2015-11-21T14:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/?p=34214"},"modified":"2023-01-26T07:41:42","modified_gmt":"2023-01-26T15:41:42","slug":"that-they-might-have-joy-conquering-shame-through-atonement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/2015\/11\/that-they-might-have-joy-conquering-shame-through-atonement\/","title":{"rendered":"“That They Might Have Joy”: Conquering Shame Through At-one-Ment"},"content":{"rendered":"

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*Film spoilers*<\/em><\/p>\n

Steve McQueen’s 2011 film\u00a0Shame<\/a><\/em> is one of the most devastating\u00a0movie experiences\u00a0I’ve\u00a0had in recent memory. I’m wading into potentially touchy Mormon territory given its NC-17 rating and subject matter, but I think it’s worth the risk. In short, the film follows Brandon (an incredible Michael Fassbender) as he struggles with his all-consuming sex addiction; one that includes\u00a0frequent pornography viewing and masturbation at both work and home, casual sexual encounters (including one in a gay bar despite being quite straight), and multiple hired\u00a0sex workers. In the midst of his nihilistic despair, we witness his withdrawal from those around him, including his sister Sissy (Carey Mulligan) who is temporarily staying with him. Yet, the underlying theme of all this is–as the title makes clear–shame<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The word shame<\/em> may bring to mind a mixed set of meanings. For example, the word is obviously central to \u201cashamed\u201d or even the phrase \u201chave you no shame?\u201d This understanding of the concept is very ancient in origin. Biblical scholars have labeled societies in antiquity (including the Greco-Roman world Jesus inhabited) as honor\/shame<\/em> societies (this has been discussed here at Times & Seasons<\/em> before<\/a>). While the modern Western world features a highly internalized, personalized morality, other cultures place stronger emphasis on the connection between personal behavior and community values. \u201cIn shame cultures,\u201d writes one pair of biblical scholars, \u201cpeople are more likely to choose right behavior on the basis of what society expects from them. It is not a matter of guilt, nor an inner voice of direction, but outer pressures and opinions that direct a person to behave a certain way. Rules and laws are less a deterrent for bad behavior than the risk of bringing shame on oneself or one\u2019s family.\u201d[1] New Testament scholar David deSilva points out, \u201cThose living or reared in Asiatic, Latin American, Mediterranean or Islamic countries have considerable advantage in their reading of the [scriptures] in this regard, since many of those cultures place a prominent emphasis on honor and shame.\u201d[2] Modern researchers recognize that aspects of this more ancient view of public morality can lead to \u201chealthy attitudes that define a wholesome character.\u201d[3] Social pressures can establish boundaries and create context for our behavior. These constraints remind us of our limitations and can foster a sense of humility. Or, as the Lord said to Moroni, \u201cI give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things strong\u201d (Ether 12:27).<\/p>\n

However, this is not the type of shame addressed in the movie above or in this post. Rather, I mean shame as an identity<\/em>. In his popular book Healing the Shame That Binds You<\/em>, author John Bradshaw explains, \u201cAs a state of being shame takes over one\u2019s whole identity. To have shame as an identity is to believe that one\u2019s being is flawed, that one is defective as a human being. Once shame is transformed into an identity, it becomes toxic and dehumanizing.\u201d[4] Similarly, researcher and author Bren\u00e9 Brown defines shame as \u201cthe fear of disconnection\u2014it\u2019s the fear that something we\u2019ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we\u2019ve not lived up to, or a goal that we\u2019ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection\u2026Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.\u201d[5] It creates a \u201cgnawing self-doubt\u201d and even \u201cinflamed self-hatred,\u201d which \u201cdrives people toward perfectionism, withdrawal, diffidence, combativeness.\u201d[6] Brown makes the simple, yet helpful\u2014if not idiosyncratic\u2014distinction between shame and guilt: guilt says I did something<\/em> bad, while shame says I am<\/em> something<\/em> bad.[7]\u00a0A helpful comparison would be\u00a0Paul\u2019s contrast of \u201cgodly sorrow\u201d and \u201cworldly sorrow\u201d in 2 Corinthians 7:10. As\u00a0President Uchtdorf proclaimed<\/a>, \u201cGodly sorrow<\/em> inspires change and hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Worldly sorrow<\/em> pulls us down, extinguishes hope, and persuades us to give in to further temptation\u2026Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.\u201d Such sorrow is not worldly because it privileges the opinions of man rather than God (as is often taught). It is worldly because it is not of<\/em> God: it disconnects us from our Heavenly Father and one another. This worldly sorrow or toxic shame can cloud our vision and prevent us from seeing the inherent dignity, beauty, and potential within each person, including ourselves. In essence, shame causes us to forget that \u201cthe worth of souls is great in the sight of God\u201d (D&C 18:10).<\/p>\n

We’ve all experienced this in one way or another:<\/p>\n