{"id":2575,"date":"2005-09-08T08:38:20","date_gmt":"2005-09-08T12:38:20","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=2575"},"modified":"2005-09-08T09:19:37","modified_gmt":"2005-09-08T13:19:37","slug":"the-very-model-of-a-mormon-intellectual-with-apologies-to-gilbert-and-sullivan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/2005\/09\/the-very-model-of-a-mormon-intellectual-with-apologies-to-gilbert-and-sullivan\/","title":{"rendered":"The Very Model of a Mormon Intellectual (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)"},"content":{"rendered":"

As some readers of this blog may have guessed, comic operetta is a staple in the Oman home, and Heather and I have written the following lyrics to be sung (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan) to the music of “The Very Model of a Modern Major General”<\/a> from the Pirates of Penzance<\/i>. Enjoy!<\/p>\n

The Very Model of Mormon Intellectual<\/b><\/p>\n

I am the very model of a Mormon intellectual
\nI’ve information factual as well as theological
\nI know the scribes of Joseph and can quote the moves historical
\nFrom Zion’s Camp to Council Bluffs in order categorical<\/p>\n

I’m very well acquainted to with matters metaphysical
\nI understand the nature of old Orson’s fluid spiritual
\nAbout finite omnipotence I’m teeming with a lot of news
\nWith many cheerful facts about the Prophet’s pre-Adamic views!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nWith many cheerful facts about the Prophet’s pre-Adamic views!
\nWith many cheerful facts about the Prophet’s pre-Adamic views!
\nWith many cheerful facts about the Prophet’s pre-Adamic views!<\/i><\/p>\n

I’m very good at poking fun at CES pomposity
\nI’ve read the diaries of Wilford Woodruff with velocity
\nIn short in matters factual as well as theological
\nI am the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nIn short in matters factual as well as theological
\nHe is the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/i><\/p>\n

I know our secret history from polyandry up to Adam-God
\nI answer Anti questions with apologetic Dialogue<\/i>
\nI quote from Nibley, Arrington, McConkie, and D. Michael Quinn
\nIn context, I can understand why Danites made the Gentiles cringe.<\/p>\n

I can tell undoubted documents from Hoffman’s clever forgeries
\nI know the home-grown chorus in the verse of Orson F. Whitney
\nI can sing the hymns of Phelps without the vengeful lyrics purged
\nAnd whistle all the swelling chords from songs arranged by Mack Wilberg!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nAnd whistle all the swelling chords from songs arranged by Mack Wilberg!
\nAnd whistle all the swelling chords from songs arranged by Mack Wilberg!
\nAnd whistle all the swelling chords from songs arranged by Mack Wilberg!<\/i><\/p>\n

I can write in both Reformed and Un-reformed Egypti’an
\nAnd tell you every detail of hist’ry Mulekitian
\nIn short in matters factual as well as theological
\nI am the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nIn short in matters factual as well as theological
\nHe is the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/i><\/p>\n

Of course, I’m rather clueless as to how to make a ward run well
\nAn Aaronic Priesthood mutiny I don’t know how to stop or quell
\nPlanning things like firesides and socials I’m more wary at
\nAnd I’ve no clue precisely how to raise our sad home-teaching stats.<\/p>\n

When I have learnt what progress has been made in church bureaucracy
\nWhen I know more of handbooks than about the trial of John D. Lee
\nIn short when I am on the stand as couns’lor at the bishop’s knee
\nYou know the end has come at last and to the mountains you should flee!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nYou know the end has come at last and to the mountains you should flee!
\nYou know the end has come at last and to the mountains you should flee!
\nYou know the end has come at last and to the mountains you should flee!<\/i><\/p>\n

For my ecclesial knowledge, though I am plucky and adventury
\nHas only been brought down to the beginning of last century
\nBut still in matters factual as well as theological
\nI am the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/p>\n

Chorus:
\nBut still in matters factual as well as theological
\nHe is the very model of a Mormon intellectual!<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As some readers of this blog may have guessed, comic operetta is a staple in the Oman home,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2575","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-corn"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2575","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2575"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2575\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timesandseasons.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}