What the Smith Boys Said This Year

December 18, 2013 | 15 comments
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January 11th
Nathan: “These hiccups are damaging my moral compass.”

January 15th
After the kitchen table being in the wrong position for a few days, Julie moved it.
Simon: “The kitchen is all non-Euclidian now.”

January 15th
Julie: “Nathan, if there are dirty dishes in that sink when I get up tomorrow morning, I’m going to have a fit.”
Nathan: “Will it be the kind of fit that would get a million hits on YouTube?”

January 21st
Truman, looking at a map: “I didn’t realize Kansas was real. I thought it was just made up.”

January 27th
Derrick: “So. How was your Sunday School class?”
Nathan: “Do you want to hear about it now or wait for it on the news?”

February 11th
Julie is trying to convince Nathan not to dread his hair cut too much: “I bought new clippers. I think it might be less unpleasant this time.”
Nathan: “Only a bad dancer blames the shoes.”

February 14th
Truman: “Is it insulting to Heavenly Mother when I tell you that you are the best Mom ever?”

February 19th
Truman, handing Julie a completed math assignment to correct: “If I get anything wrong, you should blame yourself for teaching me poorly.”

March 27th
Julie: “How are you?”
Simon: “Fine, except my Nutella levels are running critically low.”

March 30th
Julie: “Who put their Peeps into the fridge? That’s freakish.”
Nathan: “Oh, sorry, that was me. I was just chillin’ with my peeps.”

April 4th
Truman, reading from a book: “Mom, is it true that ‘no one ever got rich being honest’?”

April 10th
Nathan: “Mom, I remodeled my closet into a geek cave and since I know you are too lazy to walk all the way upstairs to see it, I made this video of it to show you.”

April 16th
Nathan, in an email: By opening this email you have activated the Amish computer virus, however the Amish don’t have computers so it works on a honor roll. please delete all your files thank you

June 11th
Simon snuck into the document that Julie was preparing with info for Derrick when she was out of town next week. Here are his additions to the list of chores, activities, etc.:

M: Go to Ci-Cis for a sleepover. Stay till they kick you out, then sue.
T: remember, Truman will be getting that Peruvian lynx delivered soon. Feed it giblets and hardtack, or it will break loose.
W: Nutella sandwiches with sweet relish and Dijon mustard for dinner. Don’t forget the smoked paprika.
Th: Tomorrow will be an unlimited bacchanal for TV and nutella. Remember to stock up before 5:00 am.
F: Simon is exempt from all work whatsoever. Please buy him ice cream and take him to the movies to see iron man 3 and whatever else he wants.
S: Do you remember how I told you to get fiddler on the roof? Rent it for the boys tonight, along with a jar of cheese balls.

Under dinner options:
–Shark fin soup in blood pudding. Look in the back of the freezer.

Under chores:
—-paint Simon’s room Royal Bleau with gold streaks. Ask him about specifics.

July 19th
Nathan, upon discovering that there was shredded zucchini in the chocolate chip bread he was eating: “I am outraged! But not enough to stop eating it.”

July 28th
Truman to Julie: “I’m not saying that you are fat. I’m just saying that your legs are cushiony.”

August 5th
Nathan: “Mom, I had a dream that Chuck Norris said that he didn’t like your pasta and so you beat him to death.”

August 5th
Truman: “Mom, for lunch, could I make some frozen vegetables with butter on them?”
J: “Sure.”
Truman: “Good! I just wanted butter and wanted to see what I could get away with.”

August 15th
Truman, upon looking at the daily schedule and realizing that he has to do his laundry and clean his room: “I am not a big fan of this day.”

August 19th
Truman: “Dad, after dinner, will you please walk on your hands?”

August 19th
Julie: “Truman, we have to talk about some things for one of your scout requirements.”
Truman: “What is it?”
Julie: “Well, the first one is ‘Discuss with your family how a cheerful and positive attitude will help you to do your best at school and in other areas of your life.’”
Truman: (falling over with laughter) “Like that’s ever going to even help!”

August 21st
Truman, regarding our dinner company: “Actually, they are late, but I am not going to judge them for that, because it is only 120 seconds.”

August 31st
Julie (in jest, in response to Nathan’s plans re cannibalism): “You are a bad, bad child.”
Nathan: “You only just realized that?”

September 9th
Nathan: “I think the US should be part communist. There should be things that only the government is allowed to sell. Like Tupperware. Then all of the lids would match and fit.”

November 1st
Aunt Lauri: “Truman, you are so cute with your light hair and brown eyes.”
Truman: “Thank you for believing in my cuteness.”

December 5th
Julie is trying to help Truman discover the error that he made in a math problem: “Is it true that 7 minus 10 is 70?”
Truman: “In some cultures it is.”

December 6th
Truman, singing: “Yankee Doodle went to town in a half-eaten horse sleigh.”

15 Responses to What the Smith Boys Said This Year

  1. Steve Smith on December 19, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Nathan: “I think the US should be part communist. There should be things that only the government is allowed to sell. Like Tupperware. Then all of the lids would match and fit.”

    That’s hilarious!

  2. Kevin Barney on December 19, 2013 at 7:30 am

    Now it’s Christmas for realz. Thanks for this year’s installment.

  3. Andrea R. on December 19, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Best post on T&S all year, every year, hands down.

  4. Jax on December 19, 2013 at 10:55 am

    First year I’ve seen this post… Hilarious!! makes me wish I had written down all the things my kids said throughout the year.

    Thanks!

  5. Algernon on December 19, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    “Only a bad dancer blames the shoes.” Freaking beautiful. I’m stealing that line. Thanks for the delightful post.

  6. Ziff on December 19, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Great stuff, Julie! Thanks for sharing this.

  7. Edje Jeter on December 19, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    Awesome, as always.

  8. Cameron N on December 20, 2013 at 12:52 am

    Chillin’ with my peeps had to have been premeditated.

  9. J Town on December 20, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Your kids are ridiculously awesome! And I’m a huge fan of “chillin’ with my peeps” (and yes, that was set up and executed perfectly!)

  10. meems on December 20, 2013 at 10:48 am

    You know this is my very favorite post of the year!! Thanks again, Julie, for making me believe that children are actually fun. heehee!

  11. queuno on December 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    It’s no use on the Tupperware. Even Tupperware ladies’ seals don’t match.

  12. Sharee Hughes on December 20, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    “Nathan, in an email: By opening this email you have activated the Amish computer virus, however the Amish don’t have computers so it works on a honor roll. please delete all your files thank you.”

    Loved this!!!

  13. Hunter on December 20, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Zing! Thanks for sharing.

  14. Melissa B. on December 20, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Had to tweet, best post ever!

  15. Ben H on December 24, 2013 at 1:29 am

    Painfully hilarious! Thank you!

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