Nathan: “These hiccups are damaging my moral compass.”
After the kitchen table being in the wrong position for a few days, Julie moved it.
Simon: “The kitchen is all non-Euclidian now.”
Julie: “Nathan, if there are dirty dishes in that sink when I get up tomorrow morning, I’m going to have a fit.”
Nathan: “Will it be the kind of fit that would get a million hits on YouTube?”
Truman, looking at a map: “I didn’t realize Kansas was real. I thought it was just made up.”
Derrick: “So. How was your Sunday School class?”
Nathan: “Do you want to hear about it now or wait for it on the news?”
Julie is trying to convince Nathan not to dread his hair cut too much: “I bought new clippers. I think it might be less unpleasant this time.”
Nathan: “Only a bad dancer blames the shoes.”
Truman: “Is it insulting to Heavenly Mother when I tell you that you are the best Mom ever?”
Truman, handing Julie a completed math assignment to correct: “If I get anything wrong, you should blame yourself for teaching me poorly.”
Julie: “How are you?”
Simon: “Fine, except my Nutella levels are running critically low.”
Julie: “Who put their Peeps into the fridge? That’s freakish.”
Nathan: “Oh, sorry, that was me. I was just chillin’ with my peeps.”
Truman, reading from a book: “Mom, is it true that ‘no one ever got rich being honest’?”
Nathan: “Mom, I remodeled my closet into a geek cave and since I know you are too lazy to walk all the way upstairs to see it, I made this video of it to show you.”
Nathan, in an email: By opening this email you have activated the Amish computer virus, however the Amish don’t have computers so it works on a honor roll. please delete all your files thank you
Simon snuck into the document that Julie was preparing with info for Derrick when she was out of town next week. Here are his additions to the list of chores, activities, etc.:
M: Go to Ci-Cis for a sleepover. Stay till they kick you out, then sue.
T: remember, Truman will be getting that Peruvian lynx delivered soon. Feed it giblets and hardtack, or it will break loose.
W: Nutella sandwiches with sweet relish and Dijon mustard for dinner. Don’t forget the smoked paprika.
Th: Tomorrow will be an unlimited bacchanal for TV and nutella. Remember to stock up before 5:00 am.
F: Simon is exempt from all work whatsoever. Please buy him ice cream and take him to the movies to see iron man 3 and whatever else he wants.
S: Do you remember how I told you to get fiddler on the roof? Rent it for the boys tonight, along with a jar of cheese balls.
Under dinner options:
–Shark fin soup in blood pudding. Look in the back of the freezer.
—-paint Simon’s room Royal Bleau with gold streaks. Ask him about specifics.
Nathan, upon discovering that there was shredded zucchini in the chocolate chip bread he was eating: “I am outraged! But not enough to stop eating it.”
Truman to Julie: “I’m not saying that you are fat. I’m just saying that your legs are cushiony.”
Nathan: “Mom, I had a dream that Chuck Norris said that he didn’t like your pasta and so you beat him to death.”
Truman: “Mom, for lunch, could I make some frozen vegetables with butter on them?”
Truman: “Good! I just wanted butter and wanted to see what I could get away with.”
Truman, upon looking at the daily schedule and realizing that he has to do his laundry and clean his room: “I am not a big fan of this day.”
Truman: “Dad, after dinner, will you please walk on your hands?”
Julie: “Truman, we have to talk about some things for one of your scout requirements.”
Truman: “What is it?”
Julie: “Well, the first one is ‘Discuss with your family how a cheerful and positive attitude will help you to do your best at school and in other areas of your life.’”
Truman: (falling over with laughter) “Like that’s ever going to even help!”
Truman, regarding our dinner company: “Actually, they are late, but I am not going to judge them for that, because it is only 120 seconds.”
Julie (in jest, in response to Nathan’s plans re cannibalism): “You are a bad, bad child.”
Nathan: “You only just realized that?”
Nathan: “I think the US should be part communist. There should be things that only the government is allowed to sell. Like Tupperware. Then all of the lids would match and fit.”
Aunt Lauri: “Truman, you are so cute with your light hair and brown eyes.”
Truman: “Thank you for believing in my cuteness.”
Julie is trying to help Truman discover the error that he made in a math problem: “Is it true that 7 minus 10 is 70?”
Truman: “In some cultures it is.”
Truman, singing: “Yankee Doodle went to town in a half-eaten horse sleigh.”