BYU to Announce New Honor Code!

April 1, 2013 | 7 comments
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At Times and Seasons, we’ve been given an exclusive sneak peek of the new Honor Code, and it promises exciting changes at our favorite university. Some of the changes include:

1. All men must wear a full beard at all time. Those unable to do so will be considered to be honoring the rule if they were an acceptable attire to offset the lack of beard. Such as:

2. To avoid controversy, all male/female clothing guidelines have been merged into one. Pants, tunic, and robe are required clothing at all times outside of dorm rooms. Example:

3. It has been determined that the Holy Ghost is getting old and goes to bed earlier than in the past. However, the Holy Ghost also sleeps in a lot later than was once believed. Consequently, the curfew has been moved from midnight to 9:30 and no classes will begin before 10:00am.

4. In order to more fully appreciate church history, all students will be required to adopt and go by D&C code names. Smiths, you are now Gazelam. Folks from Ogden may be Baneemy or Mahaleel. Football players are all Shalemanasseh or Shederlaomach, which should make for entertaining broadcasts. Idahoans will be called Spudleyites. No, that one’s not in the D&C, but it should have been.

5. Students must comply with the entire Word of Wisdom, not just the alcohol, coffee, tea, and tobacco restrictions. Therefore, no meat will be permitted to be sold consumed on campus (except during winter and time of famine). In addition, any students who are observed fainting after walking, becoming weary from running, or failing to find hidden treasures of knowledge, may be referred to the Honor Code Office for counseling.

Stay tuned for more updates about the new Honor Code (including a new course catalog for the always-popular M.Rs. degree)!

7 Responses to BYU to Announce New Honor Code!

  1. Alison Moore Smith on April 1, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Fortunately the beard requirement was first implemented with the Boy Scouts, so the transition should be easy.

    I’m also starting a petition to remove the sexism in this policy. Women should also get to wear beards.

  2. Alison Moore Smith on April 1, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    P.S. Back in the day when I was a student, it was always a “time of famine.” Kids have it so easy nowadays.

  3. Old Man on April 1, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Ouch, #3 is rather sacrilegious… a bit over the top.

  4. Ron on April 1, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    I agree with Old Man. Also #4 might have been viewed that way by an earlier generation.

  5. Sam Brunson on April 2, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Old Man and Ron, I’m assuming neither of you was at BYU in the mid-90s. (Did it extend later than that?) The idea that the Holy Ghost has a bedtime may by sacrilegious (though why might it be?), but it certainly isn’t original to this blog; IIRC, it was actually a BYU-sponsored advertising campaign my freshman year.

    Whether or not I’m remembering correctly, moreover, Pres. Parkin of the RS apparently said it to her kids growing up. Which is to say, even if there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed, it pretty clearly hasn’t been.

    (Or is the problem shifting the Holy Ghost’s bedtime forward two-and-a-half hours? Because clearly, that’s out of line.)

  6. Ziff on April 2, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Great post! Thanks for keeping the fine tradition of April 1st silliness alive in such fine form!

  7. Ron on April 2, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Sam, “The Holy Ghost is getting old” just kind of struck me. I guess I conextualized the whole thing differently than others might. (I went to BYU a bit earlier than the 90’s, and have plenty of cultural commentary about the experience.)