Your help needed: naming Mormon ice cream

March 18, 2012 | 33 comments
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Not too long ago, Ben and Jerry’s opened a new front in the culture wars by temporarily renaming its “Chubby Hubby” flavor as “Hubby Hubby” and highlighting this chilling act on their website. And now they’re at it again. I’m guessing that at some point the Church will respond with its own renamed flavor, which is where your collective wisdom is required. Here is a list of Ben and Jerry’s flavors. The best I could come up with is renaming Triple Caramel Chunk as Triple Temple Dunk. But I’m sure you can do better.

33 Responses to Your help needed: naming Mormon ice cream

  1. Kent Larsen on March 18, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Coffee, Coffee, BuzzBuzzBuzz –> Cold Caffeine BuzzBuzzBuzz

    Cherry Garcia –> Toffee Monson

    New York Super Fudge Chunk –> Salt Lake Lime Jello Munch

    [Clearly, I'm not really very good at this]

  2. jack on March 18, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    multiple mortal pistachio

  3. jack on March 18, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    kolob krunch

  4. Jeremy on March 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Elder Berry.

    Duh.

  5. Sonny on March 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Moose Tracting.

  6. oudenos on March 18, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    plural berriage

    competition over.

  7. Yahoo on March 18, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Chocolate Moriancumer

  8. Yahoo on March 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Neas Sheum Chunk

  9. Yahoo on March 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Narrow Pass Nougat Crunch

  10. Yahoo on March 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Dulce Desolation

  11. Yahoo on March 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Seon Baked (2 pts. for whoever gets this).

  12. Kent Larsen on March 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Warning, commenters. We require real email addresses. Please stop using fake addresses — we will have to delete your comments.

  13. Bradley on March 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Jesus on Ice
    “Returning from the dead after 2000 years”

  14. anon on March 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    not hubby hubby, but “wife wife wife”

    “brigham berry”

    “dulce deseret”

    neas sheum chunk is awesome.

  15. Randy on March 18, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Eight-Cow Tracks
    Jack Mormon Fruit
    The Golden Dates
    Chew Nibley (with little toffee hypocephaluses)
    Death by Danite Chocolate
    Postum
    and of course
    Mint Romney (plain vanilla)

  16. wowbagger on March 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    pure and delightsome vanilla

  17. Observer (original) on March 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    No. 6: Plural berriage takes the cake! And the iced cream.

    No. 12: Even for a light-hearted round of word play about fake ice cream names? You’d think a post about making up ice cream names would all but require a made-up email address.

  18. Marie on March 19, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Sweet Spearmints
    Unchaste Chocolate (swirled with pulverized Oreo “dirt”)
    Fasting and Praline Pecan

  19. Mosk on March 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Nahom Nuggets
    Shazer Surprise
    Curelom Brownies

  20. Lucy on March 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    So far my votes are with Chew Nibley and Mint Romney. Very Clever.

    New bloggernacle flavors (ice cream for intellectuals):
    Academia Macadamia, Feminist Fudge (delicious… try mixing with Joanna Banana)

  21. Chadwick on March 19, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Three cheers for Mint Romney (plain vanilla). I actually did LOL!

  22. Eric James Stone on March 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    More Chunky Mormonkey

  23. Lucy on March 20, 2012 at 12:43 am

    Please forgive my moderated comment. I got carried away. Although I get irritated by Ben & Jerry’s antics, my intention is to listen and to give positive comments that contribute to an edifying public discourse. My sincere apologies.

  24. MoHoHawaii on March 21, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Keeping with the theme of the OP, I’d have to suggest that the Church use:

    Don’t Let Them Berry (with a two groom graphic overlaid by the red ‘prohibited’ sign)

    I hope the OP was in good fun and did not seriously use “chilling act” to refer to the profession of a promise of lifelong commitment between two people who, possibly in the face of tremendous social hostility, develop sufficient love and devotion for each other to want to build a life together. This is whether or not you think such a profession should be admitted by civil law.

  25. Bryan in VA on March 21, 2012 at 8:12 am

    second death by chocolate

  26. Dave on March 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Yes, “chilling act” was just a riff on ice cream, and that’s the cold hard truth.

  27. Left Field on March 21, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS PLAIN VANILLA!!!!!!!

    There. I just had to get that off my chest.

    Of all the appropriate adjectives one might apply to the Delectable Bean, why, why, would anybody think to use such an erroneous one?

  28. Adam Greenwood on March 21, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Great and Spacious Vainilla.

  29. E on March 22, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    Hole In The Rocky Road

  30. E on March 22, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    Figamy

  31. Erin on March 27, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Guard Your Virtue Guarana

  32. True Order of Hair on March 29, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Another Testa Mint

    Urim and Yummim

    White and Delights’mores

    Choose the Light (a low-cal variety)

  33. Dave on March 29, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    True, you may have a future in the ice cream business.