Thank you for sharing this story.

I had a cousin who went down this path. I still think of him as sort of an older brother. He was a street fighter and on drugs as a teenager. If you have ever viewed the old movie Raising Arizona, he looked exactly like the big dude on the motorcycle in that movie. He went to Vietnam 4 times. He told me he loved it over there, where he could sneak out in the jungle and just kill “gooks” anytime he felt like it. He also told me he loved the free heroin and slapping around the mousy little oriental prostitutes. He married and divorced 4 times and produced 6 legitimate children and 4 illegitimate ones, if certain of his “concubines” are to be believed. He rode with the Sundowner motorcycle gang for years and killed some of the Hell’s Angels’ leaders. Then he got hacked off at the Sundowners and killed one of their leaders. He disappeared into the mountains for many years.

One time when I was younger, he rode by our grandmother’s house at the front of about 40 of these filthy hairy beasts straddling their stinking loud “hogs.” It brought to mind the Gadianton robbers. He gave grandmother the one finger salute for no reason at all except she just happened to be sitting on her front porch. My brother and I were of high school age at the time and were picking grandma’s apples for her. Like a couple of idiots, we hucked a couple of rotten apples at him and one found its mark, right to the side of his head. He turned around and beat the crap out of both of us and broke my brother’s arm before the police sirens caused him to flee. He was being nice, if we had not been kin he would have cut our throats and strung us up like deer.

He was convicted of some minor robbery charge and spent a few years out at the point of the mountain or “working in Bluffdale.” (Bluffdale is where the Utah State Prison is located). I saw him when he was on a weekend furlow and asked him what he was doing. He told me, “going to law school.” (I supposed he was reading the books at the prison law library.) Eventually he was released. A few years later he was killed in a shoot-out with the police. Prison was a safer place for him and for everyone else; letting him out was no favor in the end.

At his funeral I remember many things. But one I would like to share. His mother, my Aunt, never gave up on him. She knew the good that was in his heart and always thought he would some day repent. She never stopped loving him or believing in him. She told me something like this: You know the life he lived and what he did, I am not going to pretend otherwise. But I still believe he had a good heart and that there is hope for him on the other side. There are quite a few people in the family who are still praying for him and hold out hope for him.

Here in Georgia one of the big news stories is about Brian Nichols, the guy who murdered a Judge who was sitting at the bench, a court recorder, a police officer and another guy. This was during his rape trial. He turned himself in and narrowly escaped death in an anticipated hailstorm of police bullets after holding a woman hostage who claims she was able to get him to turn his heart over to Jesus. (I think he has also tried Islam since that time). It is hard to imagine a more vicious criminal. We should never forget what he did and those who’s life he ended and take steps to never allow it to happen again. But we must not forget that he is our brother and a son of God. He has a mother who prays for him.

Jesus taught us that we should visit those who are in prison. (Matt 25:36, 39, 43) He didn’t mention whether they deserved to be there or not. I presume it doesn’t matter. I pray that your brother, Kathyrn, is among friends who care about him like he was family.

I hesitated to serve up a melancholy post on Thanksgiving. But holidays can be bittersweet or downright painful for those who have suffered/are suffering deep loss in their family relationships, and I hoped it would be helpful to acknowledge that.

Brian and Kathy, thank you for sharing pieces of your own experience. Throughout the holidays, my thoughts will be with you and others in similar situations.

Gina, I have indeed read that book, and thought of my brother from cover to cover. Thank you.

And speaking of books, Kathy, you might enjoy _The Tender Land_ by Kathleen Finneran, a memoir about the author’s family life and how it was impacted by her brother’s suicide.

Thanks again, everyone.

God bless, Kathy. Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

I pray daily for my lost brother and his family. May God bless and comfort those who mourn the loss of their loved ones.