amen, sister blah! As a work-at-home mom without a nanny, this has always been a tricky issue for me, and I think your quote here is very true.

To add to what dangermom said, I think some second-career couples are funding the house that they need to buy in order to live in a neighborhood that has decent schools, which has expensive houses, because there are so many other two-income families. (Rinse and repeat.) Health care costs are also a huge issue and motivator for a second income. And, of course, as more women work, being home with a child becomes more difficult because it is more isolating. Which is a long way to say that there is a lot going on here and no easy answers.

sister blah 2, I do think that the normalization of so many things such as cell phones/DSL/cable, second cars, lessons/teams/activities for kids, etc., does create an environment where people think that they “need” a second income to pay for all of these things that now look like necessities (not to mention the dishwashers and A/Cs that Loh notes), while our great-grandmothers who washed diapers by hand and didn’t even dream of a second car (if they had a first!) are rolling over in their graves, or at least rolling their eyes at us.

Maybe it isn’t given a huge amount of consideration because the author dismissed it as having more to do with judgmental stereotype than fact? In my experience (we’re counting that as proof?), mothers go to the workforce either for survival, or to keep their skills current, for personal fulfillment, or other reasons. A side effect of this is more disposable income, sometimes leading to unfortunate over-consumerism, with the mentality of “if we can, why not?”. I guess I can’t really see into people’s hearts, but I don’t know many people for whom this is the primary motivating factor. Then again, maybe that’s because I’m in academia, where nobody is in it for the money! :-)

As far as frequently eating out or getting take out, maybe they are trying to streamline their lives and spend more time with kids?

Is it possible that her children would actually be better off with a real nanny?

For a long time, I tried juggling doing my schoolwork at home, because I felt that (especially at church) there was a horrible stigma associated with having kids in someone else’s care. Ultimately I came to this conclusion–they would be WAY better off with an attentive nanny or quality preschool than constantly being told to be quiet for a minute while mommy finishes writing this. Now I’m angry at myself that I let other people’s uncharitable, uniformed judgment color my thinking for as long as I did. The damage done to kids in that situation might be something for people to consider before allowing their words or actions to contribute to an atmosphere where new moms feel that pressure/stigma to avoid childcare, even when it is the better choice.

Isn’t that “need” for an education at a big-name, private university just another form of consumerism? My experience, as limited as it is to what I witness of those around me, is that couples with second incomes aren’t saving any more towards education and retirement than the folks I know who live within their means, on budget, with a singe income.

As an aside, I used to think that about college costs as well, that two incomes was going to be needed to pay for my kid’s college expenses. And then I went to a seminar, done at my daughter’s junior high by a local CPA, dealing with college costs. While college is expensive, there is a lot of financial aid and grants available, and that often that second income will put you out of the range to qualify for some of them.

He gave an example of a local kid who got accepted to Yale, but her father was convinced he couldn’t afford it, and wanted his daughter to go to a local state university, Eastern Washington. After all the numbers were crunched, taking into account federal and school grants, tuition waivers, and university funded work programs, it was going to be cheaper for this student to go to Yale.

Additionally, as you are probably aware, Harvard and Stanford recently dropped all tuition costs for children from families with incomes below a certain level ($100K for Stanford, $60K for Harvard — and $60K at Stanford also gets room and board free). I realize that not all kids are going to go to those schools, but I think we will see more schools adopt these policies as time goes on.

So I don’t think it’s all “rampant consumerism”–though I am unconvinced of the value of a big-name university for an undergrad degree, a whole lot of parents place a lot of importance on it.

When Hirschman’s “Get to Work” was published, I happened to see it in the bookstore. My mom was there too, and we had quite a time over it. It was one of those things that you ought to be outraged about, only she’s so angry and over-the-top you can only laugh and deplore. I always sort of wonder how her two kids feel about her assertion that a career woman should never have a second child, if she insists on having any children at all.

Yes, many working women spend a large portion of their income on child care. So her answer? Work at home, it works for me. Here I am writing this fascinating article in my sweatpants. I am using the TV and videos as a nanny (much cheaper than a real one) and I don’t do any housework.

Is it possible that her children would actually be better off with a real nanny? One who would take them to a park or museum, or stay at home and read or play games? I realize that for a lot of women, working at home is an option that is successful for them and their children. I just don’t think Ms. Loh’s take on the situation I would want my daughters emulating.

I realize you didn’t say that…I responded to you but then generalized my comments a bit more. Sorry for the confusion.

in selecting flexible fields, networking, maintaining certifications, freelancing, telecommuting etc.

I know in my field I work hard to get the students I work with to think about these kinds of things. Women need to be prepared, and that means lots of foresight and recognition that life doesn’t always turn out how you want it to. The way this will happen is for more of us to have that in mind when we talk to them. We can encourage the ideal that prophets teach about gender roles, but then also help them think hard about the counsel that prophets give about education and why it is given.

Just to clarify, I don’t think I made that assumption. I said that mitigating the effects of long workplace absences requires foresight. Lots of people don’t have that foresight, and their mentors aren’t helping them to plan for it. It wasn’t until well after my first child was born that I realized that the mere possession of any college degree is not the safety net I had been led to believe. I think we could do a better job of advising YW to plan ahead not just by getting an education, but in selecting flexible fields, networking, maintaining certifications, freelancing, telecommuting etc.

Just to clarify, I don’t think I said this. I said that mitigating the effects of long absences requires foresight. Lots of people don’t have that foresight, and their mentors aren’t helping them to plan for it. It wasn’t until well after my first child was born that I realized that the mere possession of a college degree is not the safety net I had been led to believe. I think we could do a better job of advising YW to plan ahead not just by getting an education, but in selecting flexible fields, networking, maintaining certifications, freelancing, telecommuting etc.