1. To know that the church is true, based on a spiritual confirmation.
2. To believe that the church is true, based on experiencing spiritual evidence that supports the belief..
3. To believe that the church is true, based on other-than-spiritual evidences, (ie, intellectual, social, or emotional thigns that support the church/gospel).
4. To think that the church is true (ie, being of the opinion that the church is true, but not quite a firm belief).
5. To think it might be true, sort of agnostic, but acknowledging that the church’s claims are within the realm of possibility.

I realize that a testimony of the church doesn’t exactly or always correspond to a testimony of God/Christ/the Atonement/the Gospel, etc.

I certainly do not, Sumner. As I hope came out in the original post and in some of my subsequent comments, I fully accept that many missionaries–in fact, probably the majority of missionaries–have good experiences on their mission, are spiritually sustained, find happiness and strength in the midst of the all trials, struggles, doubting moments, and other sundry difficult times. I really would have liked it if I could have had a testimony of–and hence could have taken some real joy in–what I was doing, as opposed to merely enjoying some random good times or momentary insights. For any number of reasons though, anything more than that wasn’t in the cards for me. I was, to be sure, often judgmental; early on, I figured that the missionaries who were positive and upbeat felt that way because they were naive, had blinders on, remained oblivious to the silliness and hardness around them. But long before I came home I had to accept that, actually, for most of them, the program really was working the way we’d been promised it would. I envied them that blessing very much.

My only concern is that your negative experience has poisoned your mind about a sacred subject. I hope you dont think that people who enjoyed their mission to the fullest are stupid for not knowing what was really going on.

J.D.–Okay, dammit, you’ve sent me crawling back through those few mission photos I’ve saved, trying to figure out who you are. I won’t go fishing for a full name, but give me a clue: did you serve in Hwagok? Yo-Ido? Songnam? Help me out here. We weren’t companions, were we? If so, as I said before, I apologize for everything. (Oh man, Bacchus-D…that really takes me back. I only tried the stuff once; it made me want to retch. But of course plenty of elders were practically addicted to it. I wonder if it’s still available over the counter, or if the church in Korea has ever decided if it’s a Word of Wisdom violation?)

MSG–Thanks very much for the kind thoughts.

I stumbled on your blog a couple of days ago and have one thing to say: How dare you be so honest!
As it turns out, I knew a young missionary in Korea named Elder Fox. I never thought of him as a slacker–a smartass, yes, but not a slacker. During our time in Seoul, I didn\’t think we had a lot in common but after reading your post, I\’m finding our experiences eerily similar (although mine was often fueled by Bacchus-D and/or Ativan). The difference is, you\’ve got the guts to say what I haven\’t been able to say.

Amen.

Thanks very much for taking the time to share that fine and thoughtful comment; I’m glad that my post and the discussion following it has been of some use to you. I wish the very best for your son’s mission. As Adam said in his comment following yours, overloading on the negative can inspire a lot of perhaps “pointless dread,” and I surely wouldn’t advocate that. But then again, as Adam also kind of implies, there’s a grey area between the sort of “best/most important two years of your life!” talk which almost invariably results in disappointed expectations, and the stort of harsh “sorry, but this is the way it is!” talk which may result mainly in fear, and it’s probably up to the parents (and maybe a few close youth leaders) to figure out to best articulate the middle ground for each particular person. I pray you’ll be able to handle that well.

I’m also glad that my post provided some solace for your own ruminations about your faith, your own conversion, and the doctrines of the church. I didn’t imagine that short comment of mine–really just an aside voiced in the context of my “making peace” with my own missionary obligations as a member–would attract so much attention; if I had, I would have voiced it differently, because questions about truth claims and God’s purposes are complicated matters, and my own thinking about them is a continual work in progress. I guess, if I had to make a bumper-sticker-length summary, I would say that I have my doubts, and that I also doubt my doubts, if that makes sense. In any case, whatever one is comfortable with claiming in regards to Christianity or Mormonism or anything else, it can’t be disputed that this is a church worth loving, and entering faithfully into this church community can bring great joy to one’s life (and also the life to come). On that, I’m sure we all agree.