Patron Saints, Mormon Edition

November 4, 2007 | 57 comments
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I’m tired of waiting around for Mormonism to develop the rich extra-biblical tradition of our Christian friends. Let’s get the ball rolling! Here are my nominations for patron saints.

John Taylor, patron saint of fugitives

Mary Elizabeth Rollins Lightner, patron saint of smugglers

J. Golden Kimball, patron saint of rationalizers

David O. McKay, patron saint of fast drivers

Spencer W. Kimball, patron saint of short people

Paul H. Dunn, patron saint of storytellers

L. Tom Perry, patron saint of pirates

Your nominations?

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57 Responses to Patron Saints, Mormon Edition

  1. Idahospud on November 4, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    David A. Bednar, patron saint of home canners.

  2. Ugly Mahana on November 4, 2007 at 10:45 pm

    Yay! My family’s not the only one that thinks LTP would make a good pirate.

  3. Ray on November 4, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    Thomas S. Monson, patron saint of storytellers

    Paul H. Dunn, patron saint of truth twisters

    Neal A. Maxwell, patron saint of poets

    Hugh Nibley, patron saint of apologists

    Brigham Young and Bruce R. McConkie, patron saints of know-it-alls

    Steve Martin and Lionel Richie, patron saints of the mis-labled

    Spencer W. Kimball, patron saint of Jedi Knights

  4. Kevin Barney on November 4, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    How about Julie herself as patron saint of Mormon home schoolers? (Seriously).

    Although we don’t actually use the patron saint label, Hugh Nibley absolutely is the patron saint of Mormon apologists, no question about it.

    Maybe Lowell Bennion as patron saint of real religion.

    Who would the patron saint of Mormon blogging be? We might need the patron saint of peacekeepers after that discussion…

  5. queuno on November 5, 2007 at 12:08 am

    Boyd K. Packer, patron saint of seminary teachers

  6. Jones on November 5, 2007 at 1:14 am

    Thomas S. Monson could also be the patron saint of widows.

  7. Keri Brooks on November 5, 2007 at 1:18 am

    Sheri Dew, patron saint of single or childless women.

  8. Ray on November 5, 2007 at 1:22 am

    #6 – Amen.

    Ezra Taft Benson, patron saint of extreme conservatives

    Harry Reid, patron saint of extreme liberals

    Mitt Romney, patron saint of those who aren’t sure of their political leanings

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  9. MikeInWeHo on November 5, 2007 at 2:54 am

    Don’t you have to be dead before you can be a patron saint?

  10. Scott Fife on November 5, 2007 at 8:56 am

    Emma Smith, patron saint of those who don’t endure to the end.

  11. TStevens on November 5, 2007 at 9:29 am

    Thomas S. Monson – patron saint of dated musicals.

  12. Julie M. Smith on November 5, 2007 at 10:01 am

    My husband’s offering:

    Thomas S. Monson, patron saint of the passive voice

    P.S. Who is Andy Reid?

  13. Russell Arben Fox on November 5, 2007 at 10:05 am

    Harry Reid, patron saint of extreme liberals

    If Reid is the best Mormondom can do insofar as guide and inspiration and source of spiritual strength to Mormonism’s “extreme liberals,” then we’re an even more lopsided church than I thought.

    Emma Smith, patron saint of those who don’t endure to the end.

    If God is the one who judges whether or not we “endure to the end,” and indeed gets to define what those words actually mean, then I suspect–if Joseph’s own words are any indication–that this may be only technically correct, while in actuality substatively false.

    J. Golden Kimball, patron saint of rationalizers

    I don’t get this one. Wasn’t J. Golden actually pretty harsh on intellectuals and the lukewarm? What he’s actually the patron saint of has to be R-rated-movie-goers, gangsta-rap-listeners, decafinated-coffee-drinkers, home-teaching-assignment-dodgers, f-word-users, and other committers of the sort of sins that can usually be fairly easily talked around in a temple recommend interview.

    Yes, I know, I’m taking this too seriously. My apologies.

  14. Matt W. on November 5, 2007 at 10:17 am

    Andy Reid is the LDS coach of the Phil. Eagles. His kids have gotten into a lot of trouble for doing bad things. The media has been saying he is an awful father, etc etc.

  15. Matt W. on November 5, 2007 at 10:19 am

    Truman G. Madsen- Patron Saint of Mormon Intellectuals

  16. Nate Oman on November 5, 2007 at 10:38 am

    Sorry, Matt W., I don’t think that Truman is a serious contender for that title. For my money, I would nominate B.H. Roberts or perhaps Orson Pratt.

  17. Mark B. on November 5, 2007 at 10:39 am

    Veritas,

    I don’t know anything about the Andy Reid household, but I’d guess that you don’t either. But it’s really mean-spirited to make fun of a parent because two of his children have made a mess of their lives.

    Perhaps we should start making fun of Lehi. Those two older sons were obvious examples of his failure as a father.

  18. Keri Brooks on November 5, 2007 at 10:48 am

    Orson Scott Card, patron saint of science fiction.

  19. Ardis Parshall on November 5, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Aurelia Spencer Rogers – patron saint of children.

    Wilford Woodruff – patron saint of genealogy.

    Joseph Ridges – patron saint of organists

    William Weeks – patron saint of architects

    Martha Hughes Cannon – patron saint of women in elected office

    Gordon B. Hinckley – patron saint of travelers

  20. Julie M. Smith on November 5, 2007 at 11:20 am

    Russel Arben Fox, patron saint of people who take things too seriously

    (My point with J. Golden is that people *now* use his behavior as a way to rationalize their own behavior.)

    Ardis, I like your Pres. Hinckley one.

  21. Anita on November 5, 2007 at 11:31 am

    Nephi–patron saint of the hunt
    Hagoth–patron saint of cruise ship vacationers
    Elder Uchtdorf–patron saint of frequent fliers
    Heber C Kimball–patron saint of courting couples
    Lucy Smith–patron saint of mothers
    Eliza R Snow–of authors
    Heber J Grant–of athletes
    Zenos–of gardeners
    Moroni–of musicians
    Elder Faust–of lawyers
    Abinadi–of those in fires
    Ammon–patron saint of missionaries

  22. JM on November 5, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    re: 19

    I think Glen Larson is a runner up.

  23. Julie M. Smith on November 5, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    “Hagoth–patron saint of cruise ship vacationers”

    I like that one.

  24. Keith on November 5, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    Joseph Millet — patron saint of the average member (Says I, ‘Brother Hall, how are you out for flour?’ ‘Brother Millett, we have none.’ ‘Well, Brother Hall, there is some in that sack. I have divided it and was going to send it to you. Your children told mine that you were out.’ Brother Hall began to cry. Said he had tried others. Could not get any. Went to the cedars and prayed to the Lord and the Lord told him to go to Joseph Millett. ‘Well, Brother Hall, you needn’t bring this back if the Lord sent you for it. You don’t owe me for it.’ You can’t tell how good it made me feel to know that the Lord knew that there was such a person as Joseph Millett”)

    Minerva Teichert — patron saint of artists

    Wilford Woodruff — patron saint of journal keepers

    Spencer W. Kimball — patron saint of non-lethal sling shot users

  25. Nick Literski on November 5, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    Russell M. Nelson, patron saint of physicians
    Dallin Oaks, patron saint of judges
    Leonard Arrington, patron saint of historians

  26. Russell Arben Fox on November 5, 2007 at 2:55 pm

    Russel Arben Fox, patron saint of people who take things too seriously

    I’d like to meet him, if only to apology for the constant embarrassement he must suffer for having to go through life with a name that is almost, but not quite, mine.

  27. Matt Thurston on November 5, 2007 at 3:24 pm

    Sterling McMurrin, Patron Saint of Mormon Philosophers
    James Talmage, Patron Saint of Medicinal Tobacco Users
    Porter Rockwell, Patron Saint of Outlaws
    Isabel the Harlot, Patron Saint of Prostitutes
    Abish, Patron Saint of Faithful Servant Girls
    Teancum, Patron Saint of Night Ninjas
    Ishmael, Patron Saint of Fathers with too many un-wed Daughters
    Coriantumr, Patron Saint of Survivors
    David Whitmer, Patron Saint of Honorable Dissenters
    B.H. Roberts, Patron Saint of Honest Doubters
    Juanita Brooks, Patron Saint of the Faithful-But-Ostracized
    William McLellin, Patron Saint of Restoration-Church Wafflers

  28. AHLDuke on November 5, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    I second (or third) the nomination of Thomas S. Monson as patron saint of storytellers OR widows or patron saint of tellers of stories about widows.
    Neal A. Maxell should be Patron Saint of Users of Alliteration

  29. CS Eric on November 5, 2007 at 4:05 pm

    Merlin Olson as Patron Saint of Hall-of-Famers (sorry, Steve Young)
    Hugh Nibley as Patron Saint of Footnotes
    LeGrande Richards as Patron Saint of Run-on Sentences

  30. Ardis Parshall on November 5, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    Alternate nomination for Patron Saint of Footnotes: J. Stapley.

  31. Julie M. Smith on November 5, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    Or,

    Juanita Brooks, patron saint of mother who know how to be scholars

    (She used to keep the iron set up in the front room so that if anyone dropped in, she could claim to be busy, shoo them off, and get back to her research.)

  32. CS Eric on November 5, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    Howard W. Hunter as Patron Saint of Cruise Ship Musicians
    Spencer W. Kimball as Patron Saint of Insurance Salesmen
    Larry Miller as Patron Saint of Car Salesmen

  33. Keith on November 5, 2007 at 4:22 pm

    Evan Stephens, patron saint of ward choir directors

    “Neal A. Maxell should be Patron Saint of Users of Alliteration” Shouldn’t that read ‘patron saint of true but literate lovers of alliteration’?

    (We’re all going to get zapped for this, you know.)

  34. Keith on November 5, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    Gordon Jump as patron saint of Thanksgiving Festivities. (Long live WKRP.)

  35. Lupita on November 5, 2007 at 4:43 pm

    Alexander Findlay MacDonald–Patron Saint of the Mormon Colonies

    Jim McMahon–Patron Saint of the 1980 Holiday Bowl

    Marjorie Hinckley–Patron Saint of Exceptional Women

  36. Jon in Austin on November 5, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    Joseph B. Wirthlin or David O. McKay(tie) – Patron Saint of University of Utah Football

  37. Kevinf on November 5, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    Dan Jones, patron saint of Welsh Indians
    Eugene England, patron saint of car repairmen
    Clifton Jolley, patron saint of Chevy salesmen
    Parley P. Pratt, patron saint of dog trainers

  38. Anita on November 5, 2007 at 5:59 pm

    Elder Nelson–patron saint of doctors

  39. Ray on November 5, 2007 at 7:26 pm

    #36 – Does one have to be Mormon to be a Mormon patron saint? If not –

    Jim McMahon, patron saint of drunk BYU students

  40. Jacob F. on November 5, 2007 at 9:03 pm

    Wilford Woodruff – patron saint of fly fishing

    Mary Taylor Schwartz – patron saint of aiders and abettors

  41. Lupita on November 5, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    #40, Not sure but his mother was (is?) one so I stretttttched it a bit.

  42. Keith on November 6, 2007 at 2:17 am

    Jack Dempsey — patron saint of inactive boxers

  43. Kaimi Wenger on November 6, 2007 at 3:25 am

    Steve Martin – patron saint of non-Mormons we wish were Mormon.
    Richard Dutcher – patron saint of row-boaters
    Philo T Farnsworth – Patron saint of couch potatoes
    Rulon Gardner – patron saint of underdogs; also, patron saint of toes
    Napoleon Dynamite – patron saint of ligers.

  44. Mark D. on November 6, 2007 at 4:09 am

    Orson Pratt – patron saint of philosophers
    Parley Pratt – patron saint of pamphleteers
    Marriner Eccles – patron saint of bankers
    J. Reuben Clark – patron saint of lawyers

  45. Kyle R. on November 6, 2007 at 7:41 am

    Enjoyed this thread….was hoping to hear T&S bloggers think up saintly patronages for each other. Any ideas on that?

  46. JimD on November 6, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    I think Mark Hoffman should be the patron saint of something.

  47. CS Eric on November 6, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    Kaimi – patron saint of cheese

    Mahonri Moriancumr – patron saint of brothers

  48. Kevinf on November 6, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    Sam Weller, patron saint of book lovers.

  49. Keith on November 7, 2007 at 2:00 am

    Brother Mac — patron saint of Suit Salesmen and Haberdashers

  50. meems on November 7, 2007 at 2:10 am

    Ken Jennings – patron saint of all things trivial.

    Arthur “Killer” Kane – patron saint of bass players.

    Mick Ronson – patron saint of electric guitarists

  51. Dr. B. on November 7, 2007 at 7:53 am

    I thought David Bednar was the patron saint of pickles and pickle eaters.

  52. Jacob M on November 7, 2007 at 11:40 am

    52 – Arthur “Killer” Kane is the patron saint of LSD trips from the Lord, too.

  53. queuno on November 8, 2007 at 12:36 am

    @18 – No one is making “fun” of Andy Reid. The judge already did that in open while sentencing his sons to prison.

    The choice points:

    “There isn’t any structure there that this court can depend upon.” (while pondering if he could even allow the sons to live in the house.)

    “I’m saying this is a family in crisis.”

    “It sounds more or less like a drug emporium there with the drugs all over the house.”

    If there’s a silver lining, it’s that (while I was in Philadelphia the day the sentencing was handed down) I never heard anyone mention Andy Reid’s religion, just his “family values”.

    (I’m not criticizing Andy Reid. Heaven knows it’s hard enough for a workaholic NFL coach who is trying to be a faithful member of the Church. And it seems pretty clear from the news stories that the boys have been addicts for a couple of years and Reid and his wife have been trying to deal with it.)

  54. Nehringk on November 8, 2007 at 11:33 am

    Harvey Fletcher — Patron saint of audiophiles

    Ernest L. Wilkinson — Patron saint of authority figures

  55. Ana on November 8, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    I really wanted to be funny but I just thought of some kind of serious ones.

    Minerva Teichert – patron saint of mothers drawn to non-mothering pursuits
    Ardeth G. Kapp – patron saint of teenage girls
    James E. Faust – patron saint of Mormon Democrats
    Patty Bartlett Sessions – patron saint of childbirth

  56. WillF on November 9, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    LaVelle Edwards – patron saint of college football coaches you wish would come out of retirement
    Michelle King – patron saint of tv newspeople who make you think that you know them in person
    Gladys Knight – patron saint of gospel music that is not anglican
    Donny Osmond – patron saint of childhood prodigies that don’t have tragic lives

  57. Greg Taggart on November 18, 2007 at 11:04 pm

    Re: 59

    No, if that comment speaks volumes about anything, it only speaks volumes of queno’s values (and that’s only if you judge someone’s entire life based on one comment on a blog).

    Sorry, but your broad brush don’t paint.