My husband and I both felt like we wanted at least four children, and maybe as many as six. The reality is we have three wonderful children, but if I want a fourth I will have to take fertility medicine—and then that part about the health comes in as I have hard pregnancies.

I also appreciate what has been said about giving more attention to our children being a reason for the decline in birth rates. I was number six of eight children. I frequently tell the story of how I used to hide to see if anyone would notice. Sometimes they would notice by dinner time. I see that for me, choosing not to take fertility medicine and have more children will allow me to focus on the needs of my children that I have.

Thanks for the thought provoking comments on this subject.

In re: to #39: “It worked for them.”

That seems to be the point… it worked FOR THEM.

Recently my sister-in-law attended a singles ward near-by. The speaker was an “area authority.” It seemed that he wanted to encourage the students there, mostly in their younger 20s, to go ahead and get married and not wait until later. He used his own life as an example, and described his “poor student days” when he and his wife really struggled to get by. He remembers those day with real happiness and he believes that the many decisions that they made then set a pattern for them that has resulted in great success in life and family since then.

I am sure that it is was a good sermon. It was also a profoundly painful sermon for certain members of that congregation who can no longer live the life that he lived. They are older, and done with college and working and saving, and are active in their callings… but they aren’t married. If they marry, they will marry into a more comfortable life, and will likely have a small family. Is their life-experience less valid? Will they be less spiritual?

I wondered why he counldn’t say: “These decisions worked for us. We had challenges, and they made us stronger. All of you will doubtless experience other challenges, but they will make you and your families stronger.” Instead, he seemed to endorse only one pathway through life, and indirectly insulted the experience of others.

I think of the experience of Ezra Taft Benson, who had a highly ambitious and successfull career. His family was a close one through the force of his own personality and through the strength of his wife. But NOT through his long-lasting and frequent evenings at home with the kids. It worked for him. It would not have worked for me.

The same goes for children. My father had eight kids. A big family. And it worked for a number of reasons. My wife and I have three. I think that it is working… for a number of reasons. This “it works for me” extends to alot of other areas… home schooling, savings programs, taking the train to work, scripture study methods, “dating” your spouse, having kids in pairs, journaling methods, missionary efforts. We believe so strongly in the straight and narrow way, and in absolute truth that we seem to want to dictate our styles to others, and to conclude that our character was defined by those decisions. Just because my dad had eight children doesn’t mean that everyone should.

Am I running on?

The parents knew that they would have a hard time giving each child a lot of attention, so they timed their kids so two would be relatively close together (i.e., less than a year apart), and then wait another year or two before starting another set. That way, each child would grow up with a ready-made buddy.

It worked for them.

But I dunno. Whatever it is that is going on in the back seats of cars – laying, lying, lei-ing – would seem to have the opposite effect of what you suggest.

The secret for the falling birthrate is hidden in this clause. Since we don’t know the difference anymore between transitive and intransitive verbs (esp. lay and lie) and their conjugations, we don’t know which form to use in our conjugal relations, and voila, the birthrate plummets.

Since Dad didn’t publish, he never was promoted to full, and never made more than 1%-2% raises (although, people rave about his teaching methods and philosophy and volume — which is another sad indictment on our university system). We never had money that we didn’t get from the paper route we had (although, we did learn a good work ethic). He also was very handy, and built an entire edition on his house, almost completely on his own (oh yes, and with the help of his early-teen and younger children).

So my parents had as many children as they could, and earned just enough money to pay for them. We never really wanted for material things, although I know that we suffered “socially” as children (some of us siblings have never really recovered from the rejection for being less materially blessed). Intellectually, I think my Dad did it right. On the other hand, it would have been nice to have more money, and I always wondered why he didn’t split the difference — why didn’t he work during 50% of his summers and 50% of his Fridays to publish more articles, and thus make, perhaps, an additional $15K a year.

My wife and I have been blessed with 2.92 children – #3 is due any day now. Would we have wanted more? It’s hard to answer. We never talked about a “number”. We went several years waiting for #3 and told outselves that we were “happy” with the two we had.

My general opinion is that the World in general in industrialized countries has dropped to a very low birth rate. We as LDS are not immune to these cultural trends. Our Birthrate is still much higher that most but it has dropped a lot.

I am of the opinion that many LDS are not having as many children as they could handle. (note I am not talking about 10 kids) Its wrong to judge a particular family for few children but its not wrong to preach against general anti child rearing/birthing, anti family trends both in the church and outside the church. In my parents stake the stake President is on the offensive on this issue and is asking the families to consider additional children in Stake Conference.

I am anticipating that GA’s and articles in the Ensign are forthcoming that will contain a more strident tone against the the lower birthrates in the world in general and in the LDS community in particular in the next few years. The birthrate is especcially bad in Europe now to the point where L Tom Perry alluded to it in conference.

Aaah, one of my fondest memories of being a child was laying in the back of my parents station wagon, watching the stars as we drove home from my grandparents one night. My parents would never think of letting my daughter ride without a seatbelt now, but at the time nobody gave it a second thought.

“According to Elder J. Ballard Washburn in one of the 1995 General Conferences, it is contrary to the marriage covenant to use birth control if both parents are healthy. This is another reason to have big families.

Of course, if we don’t like what we hear in Conference, it’s “adviceâ€?. If we like it, it’s “doctrine.â€? ”

Interesting, but didn’t President Hinckley say people should only have children they can take care of, or am I remembering one of his talks wrong?

I value the amount of time I can spend with my daughter. I have hours that I can devout to her education, both spiritual and kindergarten. I can watch her learn and grow. We are having one more child next year, then we are done. After prayerfully consideration and talking about this quality time we choose to spend with our children, can you tell me it is Satan that wants me to have less children? Satan wants me to have more time for each child while God would prefer I spend more time working so I can pay for eduaction and medicine for my family? God would rather I have time for a PPI once a quarter instead of time each night for each child? It doesn’t make sense to me.

My father, who has five children, says his biggest regret is not being able to spend more time with me and my siblings. Why did he not have enough time? He was always at work, not so we could have 5 cars or a huge house, but so we could buy food to eat and have other basic necessities.

“How many children should a couple have? All they can care for! Of course, to care for children means more than simply giving them life. Children must be loved, nurtured, taught, fed, clothed, housed, and well started in their capacities to be good parents themselves. Exercising faith in God’s promises to bless them when they are keeping his commandments, many LDS parents have large families. Others seek but are not blessed with children or with the number of children they desire. In a matter as intimate as this, we should not judge one another.”

This was his concluding paragraph after criticizing the general cultural trend towards fewer or no children, and quoting Pres. Kimball re: the responsibilities to multiply and replenish the earth.