Comments on: Spanking

By: Andrea

Andrea — Thu, 18 May 2006 06:51:22 +0000

Many well-meaning parents who spank are simply unaware of the research that is now available on the subject. They don’t do it out of cruelty. Nor have they researched the subject themselves and found spanking children to be the best, most effective way to discipline. They just copy what their own well-meaning parents did. However, with all the resources that are available to us in this day and age, there is no excuse not to learn new methods, and utilize them to our children’s full advantge.
This research may provide some insight into why many child advocacy organizations, such as Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE), are so fiercely opposed to the spanking of children:

But the thing that brings me the most sorrow is how spanking impacted my sexuality. This is so personal to talk about but it is necessary. The sexual aspect of spanking is something that is not addressed by many anti-spanking activists. Susan

It takes great courage to face the issues of spanking, especially spanking as sexual abuseâ€¦the nospank web site is the first place outside my therapy that the sexual aspect of physical violence associated with â€œspankingâ€? is acknowledgedâ€¦From personal experience I can validate the reality of spanking as sexual abuse. Tina B.

Ignorance is no longer an excuse. One just has to type “spanking” in one of the various search engines on the net to see how sexually charged this practice is and how many adults my age have been affected just like I was. I finally came to terms with it about the time I graduated college when I read some book {forgot the title} that warned parents against spanking because of it’s connection to the erogenous zones. I realized then, for the first time in my life, that my “secret problem” was far more widespread than just me. Martin

â€œAdvocates of corporal punishment should examine very carefully the weight of evidence now available and, particularly in light of the pornographic component, consider whether they can justify the continuation of a system with such a capacity for exciting unhealthy interest.â€?
British Psychological Society, â€œReport on Corporal Punishment in Schoolsâ€? (1980)

These findings appear to fall into line with what Gordon B. Hinckley has said:

I am satisfied that such punishment in most instances does more damage than goodâ€¦I recently read a biography of George H. Brimhall, who at one time served as president of Brigham Young University. Concerning him, someone said that he reared â€œhis boys with a rod, but it [was] a fishing rodâ€? That says it all.Gordon B. Hinckley, â€œSave the Children,â€? Ensign, Nov. 1994, 52

By: David Appleman

David Appleman — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 14:43:15 +0000

I read a lot of comments regarding spanking children – most are from parents who admit to doing this now and again, ‘a small tap to a young childs bottom’ as a last resort. Yet there is another side of ‘spanking’ which involves violence and abuse. I’ve heard of children being beaten/spanked with everything from flex and poles to even a table leg. Is this still spanking – yes, is it abusive – yes. It all depends on a persons definition of spanking. As adults, and we all make mistakes – how would you like it if an adult spanked you?

By: ALW

ALW — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 05:36:12 +0000

I caution all parents who spank. I have always spanked my kids when nothing else seems to work. I won’t ever again though. Their Dad left a little bruise on my 3 1/2 yr olds bottom and now he is sitting in jail and the kids have been placed with my parents. The laws just don’t allow it anymore. It is so easy to accidently leave a bruise and then you get booked with a felony and hope the DA reduces it. Then you have to go through a whole Planned counseling thing under the watch of a case worker from the CPS. They can do random searches of your home, but you agree to this because otherwise you won’t get you children back.

I thought these laws were in place for children who were being beaten, and there unfortunately too many. We have no rights as parents anymore. I will never spank my child again out of fear of going to jail. CPS should be spending their time and money on those who really need it. Even the cop thought Dad just spanked a little to hard this time but knew he loves the kids and they love him but still arrested him with $35,000.00 bond.

How do you get out of this situation without the kids feeling as if Dad beat them and now we can’t see him or Mom? CPS is screwing with their heads worse than a spanking ever would.

By: annegb

annegb — Fri, 06 May 2005 14:40:41 +0000

I have worried about this thread and my post, that you guys would think I am always smacking my grandchildren and what kind of grandma that would make me. I’ve really only swatted them once, on their diapers, when what they did was dangerous to them. I love them dearly and they always cry when they have to go home.

Rachel, and others, I think I understand your abhorrence of spanking. I was raised in an abusive home, where not spankings, whippings, and terrible hurt was the norm. I passed that on to my older children, mostly by way of emotional abuse, but nevertheless. It took years of struggle to overcome my demons, and my youngest child does not know the person who raised her older brothers and sisters. I am different now, but I will always live with the anguish and regret of my actions.

Despite all that, I think a good hard swat on the behind can communicate to a child who is determined to put that cord in her mouth or run out into the street when a car is coming far better than a million words of reason.

By: Rachel K Merkel

Rachel K Merkel — Fri, 06 May 2005 08:22:04 +0000

My point is simple and if it does not affect you in some way, perhaps you should consider sterilization. Why would you want to hit your child? I am a mother of three and have only spaked one child (the eldest) one time. I then realized not only the pointlessness of hitting my baby (who was 3 at the time), but the reality of spanking. Hitting someone is a violent act. When you hit your children you’re telling them two things 1) If I’m mad it’s okay to hit, and 2) Family violence is accaptable. Also, to you mothers out there whom have severe difficulty with disciplining your children without resorting to striking them, perhaps you should not have so many.

By: Mary Siever

Mary Siever — Sat, 23 Apr 2005 03:21:55 +0000

I don’t think the question of whether spanking causes emotional trauma for life is really an issue. Obviously it doesn’t have to. But the point is, is hitting a child the right thing to do? I keep remembering what the Saviour has said, that anyone who harms these little ones, it is better that a millstone was hung about his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. I think this refers to emotional, mental and physical.

And still, I don’t see why it is alright to hit a child and yet not alright to hit an adult. Like I have already said, a true double standard. At least the adult can understand why he is being struck.

By: Ivan Wolfe

Ivan Wolfe — Sat, 23 Apr 2005 02:19:42 +0000

The main reason I am conflicted about spanking is that I really don’t like the idea of physical harm to a child,
yet as Jim F. points out, pretty much everyone above a certain age was spanked and most of them have turned into functional citizens with few problems. I don’t totally buy the arguments about all the major psychological damage done to kids by spanking (as well as all the bad lessons it teaches) when most everyone I know who was spanked as a kid seems just fine, and often more well-adjusted than many people who weren’t. Heck, I was spanked as a kid and so were all my siblings, and we’re all (except for one possible exception) more or less well-adjusted productive citizens who don’t take anti-depressents and see violence as a last resort. (Of course, my dad spanking us with his hand was a step down from his parents, who saw a 2×4 as the best method for discipline).

What I wonder is: Why spanking? Why is a swat on the butt more acceptable than a smack on the leg, foot or arm? Is there some reason, i.e. a swat on the butt carries less risk of damage, or is it just an obvious target?

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By: Julie in Austin

Julie in Austin — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 14:43:27 +0000

edwardsson–

The problem with your scenario is thus: even if your three-year-old had been spanked for it, would you therefore feel completely safe allowing him near rabid dogs, intersections, hot stoves, etc., etc., or would you still feel the need to monitor the child in those situations?

I suspect that all parents realize that you still need to watch your kids; that one spanking doesn’t provide perfect immunity from them repeating the behavior. And, while not all spanking parents operate this way, I have noticed that most spank instead of explaining. In that case, they are providing less immunity to rabid dogs than the parent who gets down at the child’s eye level, looks at him, says in a stern voice, “No, no, doggie will give you bad owie. No, no.” and then redirects the child into an activity a safe distance from the dog. Both parents still have to watch their kids, but one is providing the beginnings of understanding why to stay away from the dog, the other is hoping the child will make the connection. (But if you have had kids, you know they’re weird, and just as likely to think they got spanked because the grass was brown if you didn’t take time to explain otherwise.)