You know the feeling. You’re visiting a blog, you like the post, and you want to add something in the comments. You want to come across as hip and well-read, but also down-to-earth and folksy. What to do? Fortunately, a unique vernacular of blogspeak has developed, and you can pick from any number of time-tested comments. Here is an introduction to some of the classics of blogspeak, just to get you started:
– Write that some commentator “used to be reasonable, but now is just shrill.”
– Express mock surprise by saying, “I was shocked — shocked! — to discover….”
– Express amusement at a previous comment by informing others that you have just ruined your keyboard by shooting Diet Coke out your nose from laughing so riotously.
– Use “begs the question” incorrectly.
– Point out that another commenter has used “begs the question” incorrectly.
– Respond to an offensive comment by saying “Don’t feed the trolls.”
– To really get your point across, Punctuate. Like. This. (Especially “Best. ____. Ever.”)
– Indicate your full agreement with a prompt and elegant “Indeed.”
– Use exclamatory expressions people don’t often use in speech or non-internet writing, such as “Sheesh,” “Hee Hee,” “Heh, Heh,” or “HAHAHAAAHAA.”
– Use unusual synonyms for “controversy,” such as “brouhaha,” or “kerfuffle,” or “donnybrook.”
– Cleverly endear yourself by ending a strident comment with “I’m just sayin’…”
– Reveal your playfully lascivious side by writing “Mmmm, X” (where X is something a previous commenter said, taken out of context to sound suggestive).
– Indicate your cavalier attitude toward the rules of grammar by using expressions like, “I love me some ___.”
– Express disagreement or incredulity with a hearty “Hmm….” (Use of more than three periods in the ellipses emphasizes your point.)
– End your comment with a calm but emphatic “That is all.”
Do you have any to add?
(I should note that the above list was generated by observing blogs like Dooce, Crooked Timber, Atrios, Daily Kos and others. I certainly have never seen any hoary cliches used in the bloggernacle, and I certainly have never used them myself. That is all.)