What I’m not good at is keeping a journal. What I am good at is writing down in my planner the funny things that my kids say and then printing them up to put in our Christmas card each year:
December 5th, 2003
Nathan: â€œMom, you be the French Peas and Iâ€™ll be Gilgamesh.â€?
December 18th, 2003
Derrick, after turning the house upside down: â€œSimon, have you seen my razor?â€?
Simon: â€œWhy, sure I have. Weâ€™re using it as a wheel on the garbage truck me and Nathan built.â€?
December 31st, 2003
Nathan, first walking into the unfinished part of Aunt Susieâ€™s basement: â€œThis is so beautiful.â€?
January 7th, 2004
We learn why candlelight dinners usually donâ€™t involve children: Simon set his hair on fire leaning over his plate.
Simon is dragging a suitcase around the house as Julie unpacks
Julie: â€œGee, Simon, that suitcase sure looks heavy. What did you put in there?â€?
January 9th, 2004
Nathan mispronounces â€˜vampiresâ€™ as â€˜vampapires.â€™
Simon: â€œIs that the paper that vampires use?â€? (i.e, vam-papyrus)
January 29th, 2004
Nathan: â€œItâ€™s going to be Easter in two minutes!â€?
January 30th, 2004
Nathan, through the bathroom door to Julie: â€œMommy, be sure to wash your hands! Use soap!â€?
Nathan: â€œMommy, where can I hide my binkies?â€?
Julie, not wanting them too well hidden: â€œHow about in the sink?â€?
Nathan: â€œNo! Theyâ€™ll drown!â€?
Simon: â€œMommy, do you remember who gave me this robe for Christmas? I think I need to thank them again because I love it so much!â€?
February 12th, 2004
Julie, getting cut off in traffic: â€œThe nerve!â€?
Nathan: â€œThatâ€™s part of the human body!â€?
February 13th, 2004
Nathan (howling): â€œSimon hit me!â€?
Simon: â€œIt was a sort of a gentle, hardish pat.â€?
(Julie tries not to laugh.)
Simon: â€œDo you want to go write that one down?â€?
February 19th, 2004
Nathan, showing off his cookie with creatively placed bites taken out of it: â€œMommy, look! I made this into the Jolly Roger!â€?
March 6th, 2004
Nathan, after Julie told him that she was hosting a baby shower: â€œMommy, is the baby going to use our shower?â€?
March 13th, 2004
We couldnâ€™t figure out why Simon was so intent on coming up with a new name for himself until he showed us his fortune cookie: â€œYou will make a name for yourself.â€?
March 28th, 2004
Nathan: â€œI donâ€™t like to bathe in water because thatâ€™s too scary for me.â€?
April 3rd, 2004
Nathan: â€œMommy, am I dead?â€?
April 5th, 2004
Julie and the boys watched a documentary that showed open heart surgery on a small child. A few days later, Simon asked if doctors had to go to the doctor when they were sick, so Julie explained about specialists. A few days after that, Nathan put the pieces together and said, â€œGrandpa Wayne is a skin doctor. I donâ€™t want him to take my heart out.â€?
April 7th, 2004
Simon: â€œLook at the beautifulness of our lawn!â€? (Youâ€™d have to see our lawn to really be able to appreciate this one.)
April 17th, 2004
Simon: â€œMom, Nathan is making me crazy. And heâ€™s going to keep making em crazy. And Iâ€™m going to get mad. And heâ€™s not going to stop. And Iâ€™m going to want to hit him. And Iâ€™m going to hit him. And then you are going to send me to time out for NO REASON.â€?
April 18th, 2004
Nathan, referring to Julieâ€™s kimono: â€œMommy, where did you get that?â€?
Julie: â€œDaddy brought it to me from Japan.â€?
Nathan: â€œWas Daddy stuck in our globe toy?â€?
May 6th, 2004
Simon: â€œDad, thereâ€™s just one problem with that observation .â€?
May 7th, 2004
Simon: â€œMom, make a hypothesis about what my favorite food is.â€?
(can you tell what we learned in science this week?)
May 9th, 2004
Simon: â€œNathan, Mommy and Daddy are going to be really busy with the new baby . . . you better learn how to take care of yourself.â€?
May 16th, 2004
Nathan: â€œMommy, what is that?â€?
Julie: â€œItâ€™s a phone book.â€?
Nathan: â€œDoes it ring?â€?
May 18th, 2004
Nathan: â€œDaddy, you know better than to get water in my ears!â€?
May 20th, 2004
Our homeschooling group went on a tour of the local police station. When we were shown the emergency command and control room (which is mostly used for tornadoes), Simon asked the police officer: â€œIf this room is for planning in emergencies, why does it have a wall full of windows?â€?
May 24th, 2004
Julie named all of the friends that were going swimming with us, including Brooke, who just turned one.
Nathan: â€œBut Brooke canâ€™t swim!â€?
Julie: â€œThatâ€™s OK. Her mom will be there.â€?
Nathan: â€œIâ€™ll teach her how. Iâ€™ll just tell her to pump her legs and head way out in the deep water.â€?
June 19th, 2004
Nathan, who is in a terrible mood, explaining to the woman at the portrait studio why she canâ€™t take his picture: â€œI have poison on my face and it will get on your camera.â€?
June 23rd, 2004
Simon: â€œWhat shape did Daddy cut my toast into?â€?
Julie: â€œUm, well, it doesnâ€™t really make a shape.â€?
Simon, after some silent contemplation: â€œI know! Itâ€™s the Sydney Opera House!â€?
June 28th, 2004
Nathan wants to get up; Julie knows he hasnâ€™t napped yet.
Julie: â€œBut Nathan, itâ€™s only been forty minutes!â€?
Nathan: â€œBut I sleeped faster.â€?
July 4th, 2004
Julie: â€œSo why did they need to go back to Jerusalem to get the brass plates?â€?
Nathan: â€œBecause they had nothing to eat dinner off of.â€?
July 9th, 2004
Simon lost his first tooth.
July 17th, 2004
Nathan, as the custard is served: â€œMe first! Me first!â€?
Derrick: â€œWhat kind of talk is that?â€?
Nathan: â€œGladiator talk!â€?
August 2nd, 2004
Nathan: â€œMom, donâ€™t you think my butt part is cute?â€?
August 9th, 2004
Nathan in rare form at the swimming pool:
(1) Nathan: â€œCan we swim in the fountain?â€?
Julie: â€œNo. See that sign? It says â€˜No swimming or playing in the fountain.â€?
Nathan: â€œLetâ€™s take the sign down.â€?
(2) Nathan, on getting a good look at Julie in her maternity bathing suit: â€œMommy, you look like a big pink beach ball!â€?
(3) Nathan: â€œWhy is there no lifeguard here protecting the children?â€?
August 11th, 2004
Julie complimented Simon on making his bed and arranging his journal and comic book so nicely on the top of the bed.
Simon: â€œYeah, I wanted to try a new look.â€?
August 20th, 2004:
Simon: â€œMom, there are a lot of things in this world that seem impossible, like dry ice and fried ice cream.â€?
August 31st, 2004:
Nathan, noticing the peeling skin on Julieâ€™s foot: â€œMommy, are you molting?â€?
September 4th, 2004:
Nathan: â€œDaddy, I donâ€™t want you to leave this house because you might be eaten by a cyclops.â€?
September 8th, 2004:
Nathan, not quietly, at the grocery store: â€œWow, that guy sure is fat.â€?
September 28th, 2004:
Nathan: â€œIâ€™m half baseball player and half gladiator.â€?
October 7th, 2004:
By standing in the back of the church and screaming â€œNOâ€? at the top of his lungs, Nathan continued a long family tradition (Julie in 1977 at the Millersâ€™ wedding and Douglas in 1996 at Julie and Derrickâ€™s wedding) of refusing to walk down the aisle. Later, when asked why he wouldnâ€™t walk, he said, â€œI forgot.â€?
October 10th, 2004:
Simon: â€œMom, what if I taught the baby how to say â€˜antidisestablishmentarianismâ€™? He would be famous!â€?